Dieter points to a laminated piece of paper sitting on the counter and begins to teach me how to get her medicine ready in the morning. This very well may be what the rest of my life looks like, and if it is, I’ll deal with it. I’ll do anything tobe hers.
* * *
Lee
I’m listening to Kieran tell me about Phoenix and their honeymoon. At least that’s what I’m pretending to do. Really, I’m trying to ear hustle in on Mac and Dieter’s conversation. I’ve been doing well balancing between the two when Kieran calls me out.
“Okay, I’ll bite. You aren’t listening to a word I’m saying, Lee. What’s up?”
The voices in the kitchen are almost nonexistent; they’re so quiet. Huffing out an annoyed breath, I bring my attention back to Kieran.
“Dieter and I aren’t exactly talking, so I was trying to see what he was telling Mac. I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to be rude.”
“No, you’re fine. Look, I have to ask you something.” Kie looks over at the kitchen to make sure no one is listening in on us. Once he’s satisfied, he looks back over to me. All I give him in response is a raised eyebrow for him to continue.
“So, Mac tells me everything. Which means I obviously know about your kidneys. I don’t know why they’re on the fritz, just that they are. Don’t get mad at him, everyone needs that one person to vent to. I’m Mac’s. Even if he didn’t tell me, I would have figured it out pretty quickly. There’s a dialysis machine right behind you.”
“I didn’t know he needed to vent about me.” That actually hits my ego pretty hard. But Kieran rolls his eyes at me.
Rolls. His. Eyes.
“Don’t be sensitive. I just mean we talk about everything. Anyway, I know you’re on the donor list, but I guess my question is why hasn’t anyone in your family donated?” He looks inquisitive, not judgmental. Honestly, I don’t blame him. The only reason I know about any of this is because I have to. I mean, who in their right mind would just look this stuff up for funsies?
“They aren’t matches. There’s a lot of screenings, tests, and types that all have to match up perfectly. It’s not even a guarantee that biological relatives would match. So I wait. My match will come. My information is in the system just waiting for a match to come through.”
“So if a match comes through, then what happens? They call and you go in same day?”
“No, it’s a whole process. It takes a few months. So say a match popped up right now. It’d still take months until the surgery. I don’t think they tell me until it’s a sure thing.” Kieran nods and crosses his ankle over his knee, he’s getting settled into the couch.
“Mac can’t donate even if you guys match?”
“No, he can’t. I don’t want Mac to even worry or think about that, though. I want him to worry about himself and his sobriety. Selfishly, I want him here with me, especially on the bad days. But Kieran, I swear I will never stand in the way of him and being the healthiest version of himself. I can’t go to Al-Anon in person because of my health, but I signed up for virtual meetings. I started a few days after he got back.”
A smile splits his face. “My brothers and I started them afew days after he got back too.”
Our conversation is cut short because Mac walks back in the room with a handful of pills. He sits down on the coffee table in front of me, handing me a glass of water before offering them to me in his now outstretched hand. Taking them quickly, I hand him back the glass so he can set it down.
“Thank you.”
Mac smiles gently at me before picking me up and sitting down on the couch, adjusting me so I’m in his lap. I’ve missed him so much. My body instantly just relaxes into his. I’ll admit the haircut shocked me. I’m used to the long, shaggy hair, but now he looks so much older. His face looks more angular, and honestly he looks just like Rowan. If I were to look at a picture of twenty-two year old Rowan, I’m sure it would be the exact same thing my eyes are looking at now. The hair is going to be an adjustment, but not a bad one. He’s so fucking handsome.
Dieter walks into the room with us and puts his hands in his pockets. He rocks back on his heels, looking everywhere but at me. “I’m going to head out. Jake will be here in a few hours.”
“Okay.” Is all I give him in a monotone voice.
He shakes Kieran and Mac’s hands, telling them bye before he drops a kiss on the top of my head and says into my hair, “I’m sorry. Ich liebe dich.” I don’t answer him. He sighs as he reaches the door and casts a final glance my way. Once the door shuts behind him, both men are glaring at me.
“What?” I look back and forth between them.
“You hurt his feelings.” Mac speaks up first. “He looked heartbroken.” He’s acting like I’m a monster for being mad at my brother.
“I don’t know what ‘itch a ditch’ means, but whatever it is, he was so sad about it. You’re heartless, Fischer.” Kieran pipes up oh so helpfully.
“Oh, fuck off. He hurt my feelings. He deserves to be sad right now.”
Both of them look at me slack jawed before Mac looks at Kieran. “I am so glad we don’t have a sister. Could you imagine the mental war that man is going through right now?”
Kieran nods in agreement, “She said he deserves to be sad. You’re signing up for a life with a woman who thinks her brother deserves sadness. Careful, Mac.” He laughs in amusement.
