Declan and Rowan hit the last step and he’s automatically questioning them. “Where’s Mac? Kieran? Did they come home? Did they come HOME, boys!?” He’s yelling but he doesn’t sound mad. He sounds scared.
“Da, they’re upstairs sleeping. They’ve been home sick all day, and we’ve been taking care of them. What’s wrong?” Rowan asks in a tone that I’ve never heard him use before. Like he’s taking control of the situation. That’s when my Da says the words that shatter every fragment of my life as I know it.
“Riley’s gone.”
1
Chapter One
Mac
Twenty-Two years old
Sitting behind the pool house, I pull my hoodie up and bury my head into my arms which are propped up by my knees. Today makes seven years without Riley. In two weeks we would have celebrated our fourteenth birthdays, Riley’s just three days after mine. Instead of planning our parties together I’m hiding behind the pool house crying, because from this day on she will have officially been missing longer than we had her.
Riley had my heart and stomach in knots from the time I was old enough to realize that girls were pretty. Which, with three older brothers, was probably sooner than most. I’m not ignorant of the fact that if she was still here, we may not be together. Hell, we may not even like each other anymore. That doesn’t matter though, because we never got that chance. She’s now frozen in time, along with my heart which she held in her hands.
My head pops up with the sound of leaves crunching against the cool ground. It’s late September in the Northeast which means the weather changes day to day. Today it’s cool enough to need a hoodie, but not so cold that I’m shivering. My older brother Kieran comes into my line of sight as he turns to make his way to me. He knew I was here; this is where I come on this day every year. He silently squats down and sits beside me. There’s something in his hand but I can’t see it as he places it down beside him.
“You okay, M?” I fight not to roll my eyes at his idiotic question, obviously I’m not okay.
“We have to find her, Kie. It’s been too long. I don’t even want to think of the condition we’re going to find her in by the end of this.” My fingers move up to my eyes, pressing in on them until stars burst behind my lids.
“Mac, it’s been seven years. You have to come to terms with the fact that when we find her, it may not be-”
“Shut up! Shut up Kieran! Don’t even say that. How could you even think that?” My voice cracks as I yell the words. Fuck him, fuck them all. I’ll find her myself. I don’t need them.”
“M, calm down. I’m just saying, you need to be realistic.” Kieran tries to reason with me, but I’m too pissed now.
Jumping to my feet, I lash out at the one person who’s helped me through this every day for the past seven years, and I make damn sure I hit my mark, “I wish it was you.”
Kieran pushes to his feet looking like I just knocked the wind out of him, “What did you just say?”
“You heard me Kieran, I wish they would have taken you instead. Fuck you, I never want to talk to you again.” Pushing past him with every ounce of strength I have, I’m surprised that he doesn’t swing at me. I feel guilty about it already, but I won’t turn around.
Rage and fury whirl around every fiber of my being as I shouldermy way into the guest house. I need to do something, hit something, just something. A crystal bottle catches my eye sitting in the opened cabinet over the fridge. Bingo. I’ve never touched the stuff, but my dad and his buddies do occasionally. So do my older brothers. I’ve never understood the appeal, but I know it calms their demons. My Da told me one day that adults sometimes drink to relax, and sometimes they drink to deal with the bad things they have to see or do. He also warned me to never do the latter. Too bad for him, I’m a teenage boy so I can’t be expected to listen to my parents all the time.
I toe off my sneakers before climbing on top of the counter to grab the expensive bottle ofwhiskey.Carefully getting down, I move into the bathroom and lock the door. Sitting on the floor and pressing my back up against the tub I remove the top, and without pause I take a decent swig of the amber liquid. It burns as I swallow it down, causing me to cough like I’m dying. God, this stuff is awful. Only a few minutes later do I feel the liquid start to warm my veins, a sense of calming washing over me. The second sip isn’t as bad as the first, and every sip after that goes down a little smoother than the last, until I pass out on the bathroom floor with Riley’s face imprinted in my brain.
Beep…beep…beep…
The alarm on my phone irritates me enough to make me want to chuck it across the room. As I peel my eyes open my first thought is, “why the fuck is the sun up so early?” Quickly followed by the realization that it’s Kieran’s wedding day, and I really do have to get up. Sitting up, my brain feels like mush and my eyes feel like they’ve been dipped in sawdust. I can’t go through the rest of the day like this, so like every other day, I pull open the bottom drawer of my dark gray nightstand andgrab the small bottle of whiskey I keep there. Tipping it back and taking a few decent swallows, I wait for the nausea to pass before the feeling of salvation washes over me. I put the bottle back in its place and shake my body out of the slush that feels like it’s holding me back as the warmth fills my veins.
Pulling myself together enough to semi function, I make my way into the shower to wake up and get my life together. This is Kieran’s day. Well, his and his almost wife, Phoenix’s. Because of that, I make quick work of washing my hair and body. Once I’m done and have a towel wrapped around my hips, I brush my teeth and gargle enough mouthwash to keep the smell of liquor off my breath. It’s hours before the wedding, so I forgo the suit hanging neatly in my closet and instead pull on a pair of joggers and my favorite forest green hoodie. I’ve been told that it makes my eyes pop even more, and the ladies eat that shit up. Not that I’ll be seeing any ladies that I’m not related to right now. Using the towel that was just minutes ago secured around me, I dry off my hair before shaking my head and letting it lay however it wants to.
My hair is a medium brown, and the ends occasionally find themselves in my green eyes, the back touches my collar, and the sides cover my ears. My hair is naturally wavy, so whereas most men with the same hair might look like a teenage pop singer from the mid 2000’s, I absolutely do not. Taking a piece of my favorite gum, I pop it in my mouth before pocketing the rest. I take one look in my mirror to make sure I look fine, before heading out to find my five brothers, and nephew.
It doesn’t take any effort- as soon as I walk out of my room the sound of bickering, that should be my family’s theme song at this point, drifts up the stairs and fills the space. They’re always fighting about something. Taking the steps in quicksuccession, I roll my head from side to side and yawn before hitting the second story landing and continuing on to the first floor. I need food, I’m starving. As soon as my feet hit the bottom step everyone looks over at me and stops speaking.
“Uh- what did I do?” My eyes pass over each pair staring back at me. You ever walk into the room, and you know everyone was just fighting about you? Yup, that’s what just happened.
Kieran throws his hands up and storms out of the room, “I’m not doing this today, he’s fine. If y’all want to set him off, that’s on you!” He scoops up our nephew Rhett on his way to the stairs and tickles him as he tosses the five year old little bear cub into the air. “Come on Bear, let’s go see if we can trick Auntie into letting me see her.” With that he takes off up the stairs, successfully escaping whatever the fuck this is. Lucky bastard.
Looking back over to the remaining four brothers, two older, two younger, my eyes narrow into slits. “Okay, come out with it.” I know what this is about, the same shit it’s been about for the past year.
About a year and a half ago, Kieran met Phoenix. We call her Pigeon though. It’s a thing, trust me. Her and Kie’s story isn’t mine to share, but the short of it is that she was raised in a sex trafficking ring, where she knew Riley. The men who took her sold her into a child trafficking ring, and we found out just about a year ago that she was killed when we were twelve. Ever since the news came out, my brothers have been up my ass about my drinking. Funny, because I’ve been drinking since that first time when I was fourteen, I’ve just stopped hiding it as much.
“We just want you to remember that today is for and aboutKieran and Pigeon. Keep a hold on the alcohol consumption, and don’t make a spectacle of yourself.” Rowan tells me.
