“I’m not mad at you,” he said again, softer this time. “I’m mad at myself.”
I turned to face him. “Why?”
“Because I didn’t expect it to hit me like that. Seeing Jack with you…likethat…it shouldn’t have gotten to me. Iknewthe boundaries. I agreed to this.”
“You still want it?” I asked, and my voice was quieter than I meant.
He looked at me then and I saw the war in his eyes.
“Yes,” he said. “But—”
“But you got scared.”
His jaw clenched. “I saw his hand on your throat, and all I could think about washim.”
I reached for his hand, and he held it back, squeezing it.
“I’m not that Jackie anymore,” I said. “And Jack isn’t him.”
He nodded slowly. “I know. But something about it just…triggered something. I hate that it did.”
I rested my head on his shoulder, the silence falling between us again. But this time, it felt different. Maybe warmer, like we were starting to understand each other through it.
“I don’t want you to see me as someone who needs protecting from her own pleasure,” I whispered. “I want you to trust me, to know I’d stop it if I didn’t want it.”
“Idotrust you,” he said. “But I think part of me still wants to be the one who keeps you safe. Even from the things you want.”
Something gentle inside me gave way. Because it was sohim. This man who’d watched me fall apart and still held all my broken pieces until I was ready to be put back together.
I kissed his shoulder.
“I don’t need to be saved,” I said quietly. “I needhonesty. You, me, them—this only works if we’re honest with ourselves, and with each other.”
Elliott let out a long breath, and then finally pulled me into his arms.
“I can do that,” he murmured into my hair. “I want to do that.”
He held me for a long time, his strong arms holding me tight, and we sat there, letting the silence fill the room.
Finally, I leaned back just enough to see his face. His expression was softer now, less guarded. A little more likehimagain, like my Elliott who stared at me with awe and respect.
“I know tonight was a lot,” I whispered. “And I know seeing me like that with Jack wasn’t easy for you. But the last thing I ever want is for you to think I’m slipping away from you.”
His brows furrowed slightly. “I don’t think that.”
“You looked like you did,” I said gently. “And I don’t blame you. This—what we’re doing—it’s complicated. Butwearen’t.”
He swallowed. “I guess I just didn’t expect to feel so much.”
I nodded, lacing my fingers with his. “Me neither.”
His hand lifted to brush a strand of damp hair from my cheek. “You were incredible tonight. Confident. Brave.You.I just…I think part of me got scared I’d lost the version of you that only comes alive with me.”
My chest ached a little at that. “You didn’t lose her,” I said. “She’s right here. She just grew.”
He smiled faintly, and it reached his eyes this time. “I don’t want to hold you back.”
“You never have,” I said. “If anything, you’ve been the one who gave me room to become this version of myself. I onlyknowwhat I like—what I can take—because you were the first person who ever really saw me.”
