The glare Coach Darrell gives should frighten me, but I’m so used to it that I’m unaffected.
“What do you mean your nanny wasn’t suitable? What was wrong with this one this time around? Shawn was great in the interview.”
Leo wiggles in my arms outside the men’s locker room, agitated and wanting to be set down. My shoulders rise in a painful shrug as I lean down to place him on the bench. “He wasn’t suitable. Tell me, Darrell, would you be comfortable leaving your son with someone who tells your child that he’s pretty sure crayons are edible?”
Darrell’s lips tremble in what looks like a stifled laugh, but he rubs the back of his neck as he drops back against the stadium hallway wall. “Your sister is in town, right? She couldn’t look after him?”
“She’s in town for business. She’s got viewings all day.”
“You’re really testing me here, West.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “You need to find someone. Permanent. And soon.”
Permanent.I can’t imagine that happening.
“I’m trying to find someone. It’ll just take time.”
“Unfortunately, we don’t have time, Evan.”
I know that. Every day I wake up stressed about finding someone to care for Leo. I’m unsure I can survive the rest of the season jumping from nanny to nanny, even if it is my last year.
But leaving my son in the care of someone else while I go out on the field and forget about the responsibility of being a parent always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Guilt consumes me. Guilt that I can’t seem to shake. Guilt that makes me question whether I need to retire for the sake of my son.
But giving it up will mean I’ve failed at finding the balance between fatherhood and my career, just as Leo’s mother said I would.
I love playing football. It’s part of who I am. But this isn’t about me anymore.
“I know that look.” Coach Darrell’s face is worrisome. “You’re thinking of buying your way out of the contract again, aren’t you?”
“I… I don’t know,” is all I manage to say. Giving up my career would feel like a punch to the gut. I want to finish this. These guys are half my life, and they love Leo like he’s their own.
“Hey, Evan.” I drag my eyes away from Coach to see Mae and Poppy sauntering down the hall towards the female locker rooms, their cheerleading bags slung over their shoulders.
I offer a split-second look, pushing my worries to the back of my mind so they’re not as evident on my face. “Hi.”
“You girls don’t happen to have a spare hour to—”
“Sorry, Coach,” Poppy interrupts him. “We don’t have time to chase after Leo today.”
I huff, but then my eyes slice over to the tall, long-legged woman a few paces behind them, only just rounding the corner, and my molars click together.
Oh, you have to be kidding me.
“Flo!” Leo suddenly yells, and he scurries up to her, Donkey in hand.
Flo.
Great. Just great.
“Oh, hey, Leo,” she greets him, beaming down. “I see Donkey’s come for a stadium visit.”
My son points towards me, and Flo’s eyes follow the action. “He wanted to watch Daddy practise!”
Her mouth immediately uncurls until it’s flat, and her bold ocean-blue eyes bore into mine before she averts them. Then, a soft, humoured chuckle leaves her.
This is not what I need right now.
“You all know each other?” I question Mae and Poppy in confusion.
Laughter rings out from Mae. “Flo and I have been friends forever, Evan. I’m actually surprised it’s taken you this long to meet, but you'd have bumped into each other alot sooner if you actually showed up to the things Nathan and I invite you to.”
