A niggling feeling has been growing, and it’s now hollowed out my entire chest.
Nathan shakes his head as he laughs. “Nice to meet you too, Flo.”
“You know my name? Wait,theNathan Slater knowsmyname?” She fans herself comically and pretends to stumble before gripping onto my arm for fake support. “It’s an honour. Will you sign my whole back?”
“Alright, that’s enough out of you.” I nudge her with my elbow.
“I should find my seat. Leave you two to it. Bye.”
I roll my eyes at Flo’s wink as she saunters away, waving her ticket behind her shoulder.
I know she’s made a good first impression on Nathan. He likes firecrackers—finds them humorous and annoying simultaneously.
It’s why he likes Bennett.
“I like her,” he says as he nods after her. “She compliments you well.”
I smile as he wraps his arms around me and brings me to his chest. His fresh, citrus scent triggers a rush of dopamine. “Yeah, she does.”
“Will it be easier to leave her this time around since you’ve done it once before?”
I stare at the empty space where my best friend stood mere seconds ago, my chest tight. “I don’t think so… I’ll miss her. I’ll miss it all.”
Silence descends between us.
“Is it strange that I’ll even miss being on the squad? Even though my mother, who hates me, and the captain who helped blackmail me, is here?”
A breath-taking smile takes over Nathan’s features. One side of his lip tips more than the other. He’s all masculine energy and sex appeal, and the way his eyes study me is doing something to mylowermuscles. “No, I don’t think it’s weird. The human mind desires routine. This has become that for you.”
Nathan’s full of excellent advice and explanations. It’s not like he has the answers to all my questions, but how he navigates his responses sounds like he does. He has this uncanny ability to make things make sense and bring clarity when I’m in a storm of wild emotions I can’t escape from.
Cheering. Taking care of Radish. Seeing Flo. Working at the bar. They’ve all become part of my routine. A routine I’m content with. A routine I enjoy. A routine I… think I actually love.
Back in Colorado, I struggled with routine. I’d put all my eggs in one basket and even though I was supposedly living my dream, I’d never felt more alone. I know moving to Florida will be different, but it still doesn’t ease the harsh uncertainty that I’m making a mistake.
I thought I’d be skipping for joy at the prospect of leaving a few months ago, but now that I’m facing it, I’m wishing for the days to stretch out so I can hold on just a little longer.
33: Nathan
The team captain of the Atlanta Goblins grunts in disapproval as Bennett scores yet another touchdown. He’s furious, arms flinging up in the air with a growl trembling the corner of his lip.
My team are pulling through today. I can physically see the fire blowing up their asses and spurring them on. We’re so close now. So close to lifting that trophy and being named the champions of the Super Bowl.
The thought isn’t nearly as tempting as it once was, though.
At one point, it was all I wanted, and I needed to achieve it. But my thoughts are elsewhere now.
Every practice. Every game. Those were the moments that defined me. I thought I knew exactly who I was because I had the jersey and the ball in my hands. Every touchdown and tackle felt like I was getting closer to achieving it. Like I was chasing some version of success that would finally make it all feel right.
But things change.
My eyes flicker over to Mae, who’s mid-chat with my sister, both of their cheeks pinched up as they grin. I’ve never seen Poppy this smitten with someone before, and my teeth worry my bottom lip as I think about how lonely she’ll be when we leave.
Sophia had been a good friend of hers, but now, she can’t even look her in the eyes, especially because Mae told her not to confront her about working with our dad.
She has Madison, though.
And Bennett.
