“We haven’t really talked about that part. We said no labels just to keep it simple, take the pressure off.”
She pursed her lips and bobbed her head, a signature sign that she was waiting for me to keep going.
“It’s hard to not hope for more. But that’s not fair to him.”
“Why not?” Layla asked.
My lips quivered and I played with the tissue I always fiddled with during my sessions. I’d walk in, grab a tissue, and sit, then start rolling it, tearing it, or in some cases, actually using it for its intended purpose. “I’m afraid I don’t deserve it. I feel like . . . I need to sort some of this other stuff out, you know? I’ve hurt him so much in the past. It would be easy for us to just rush back together, right? But there were reasons I didn’tcall him when I first got to town. I needed time. He deserves the best version of me.”
She gave me a wry smile. “It sounds like you really care about him.”
“I do.”
“I don’t know him, but I bet he cares about you too. It’s great that you’re working on yourself and taking his feelings into consideration. But how will you know when you’re ready for him?”
“Like, that I’m cured? Good enough?”
She unclicked her pen and set it and her notepad flat in her lap. “Violet, you don’t need to be cured to be good enough. There’s no such thing. How will you know you’re ready, whatever ready means to you?”
I took a big breath and let it out. “That’s a great question.”
“Then I think that’s your homework, and probably our next session.” She gave me a serene smile. “We’ve got a few minutes. What else is going on?”
“Let’s see,” I said. “I tried diamond art.”
“Oh?”
“It’s not for me, to put it lightly. Too many little dots.”
She laughed. “A valid assessment. And totally fine to abandon what’s not working for you.”
“But!” I put a finger in the air. “I started running again. But it’s kinda backfiring a little too.”
“Backfiring?” she asked with a quizzical look.
“Well . . . I listened to one of our audiobooks while I ran yesterday and the book got spicy and Ireallyliked it.”
“That’s a good thing! You’re exploring what you like again.”
“No, I mean liked it to completion. And I was wearing pink running tights that don’t give much . . . invisible liquid protection.”
Layla put a hand over her mouth and giggled. “Oh no, Vi. I’m sorry for laughing. That’s?—”
“Oh no, someone needs to enjoy this, because I can’t tell anyone else.”
“Yes, I always get to collect people’s best secrets. It’s what keeps me coming in every day. A real job perk,” she joked.
“I bet!” I said.
“I’m not a runner myself, but I know coregasms are a thing. Combine that with your entertainment of choice and you probably just had a normal human reaction.”
“Normal, sure. But also kinda funny?”
She held back a laugh as she stood up. “And we’re at time, so it looks like I don’t have to answer that question! I’ll see you next week. Have fun with Colton and enjoy your runs. Keep finding what makes you happy.”
TWENTY-SIX
COLTON
