How else do you pass the time with your ex-boyfriend who’s sleeping at your place?
He grinned and rubbed his hands together. “I’ve got the perfect one. Just point me to your remote.”
“Why didI agree to watch this?” I wept. “I was trying to get cheered up and you pickedInside Out?”
“What? It normalizes feelings!” Colt sat in the corner of the couch, his arm extended across the back to invite me to sit with him. “Are you really going to sit all the way over there and not let me console you?”
I pressed a tissue under my lashes. “Is that why we’re watching this? So you can ‘console’ me?” I gestured to the screen. “You knew I wouldn’t be able to take this. The movie hasn’t even started and these fucking volcanoes have lava spilling down my face!”
My fingers met the swelling around my eyes and I lamented how bad I was going to look at work, no matter what abandoned face masks I could dig out of a drawer. My tired eyes focused on the screen again. It was some cartoon short where the volcanoes kept growing and changing and crying out for each other, but their partner wasn’t there. If I thought about the symbolism, I could have easily vomited.
“They’re just lonely, Vi. The volcanoes.”
“Exactly. He’s lonely. She’s just there longing for him. She’s lonely too.”
“Yeah. That’s what I said,” he said. “They’relonely. It’s a movie, though, and they’re going to have a happy ending.”
“I know, okay?” I whimpered, the emotions turning from light ribbing to actual angst. “I know they’re just waiting for each other.”
The cartoon volcanoes were waiting for each other. Once upon a time, Colton promised to wait for me. Or rather, he saidifhe decided to wait for me, it’d be his choice. I had no idea whether he actually did that or not. He could easily have a girlfriend he hadn’t mentioned yet.
If I were his girlfriend and he were feeding other girls Wendy’s and giving out forehead kisses, I’d be more than a little peeved.
I glanced over at him, having worked myself into a mental fit. There he sat with soft eyes and a serene smile, seemingly unbothered. He was so nice to me. He could have a girlfriend. But even if I didn’t deserve it, I wanted him to have waited for me.
With a pathetic sniff and a full-on blubber, I cried harder when the volcanoes started up their song again. Colton didn’t wait for me to scoot over to him. He came to me, putting his arm around my shoulder and stroking my hair. He gently shushed me when I got louder. I sat up and turned to face him, holding his hands. “I’m so sorry, Colt. For everything. I’m sorry I hurt you. Twice. And if you stick around, I’ll probably do it again because I’m messed up and I don’t know how to deal with you. I don’t know how to just . . .”
His hands were firm on mine, his gaze, his voice. “I’m not mad at you.”
“But I keep hurting you. That’s worse than you being mad. You’d be right to be mad.”
He licked his lips and looked between us. “I’m not mad. But I am a little hurt you’ve been here so long and said nothing. That you never called me after the wedding.”
My cheeks burned and I nodded. “I know. But it’s something I needed to work out on my own.”
“I would have been there for you, Vi.”
“It’s not your cross to bear,” I said.
“It shouldn’t be yours either.” Colton chewed the inside of his lip. “We lost years, Violet. Because you didn’t trust me. I would have sat beside you while you worked through it. ”
“It’s not you I didn’t trust. It was myself. I was afraid of falling apart and ruining everything. For me. For you.”
Colt nodded, going quiet. We sat in a tense silence, watching the volcanoes gear up for their big finale. He intertwined our fingers and flicked his chin toward the screen. “Look. The volcanoes are happy. It all worked out.”
And that was Colton Jones. A man who had faith in happy endings, no matter how tough the journey. A man who believed in the best in everyone, even when they weren’t the best to him.
A man, it seemed, who believed in me.
He opened his arms, and I slouched back into them.
“This isn’t a movie, Colton. Happily ever after isn’t guaranteed.”
He paused and swallowed, then kissed the top of my head. “I’ve learned if you wait long enough, there’s always a happily ever after.”
I wokeup in Colton’s arms on the couch, the movie menu on the TV. When I started to stir, his arms banded tighter around me and he let out a sleepy hum.
What was I doing? I fell right back into my ex’s arms when I was sad.
