“They have border collies in dog shows,” she said. “Hey, hand me that milk. I’ll pour it over our ice cream.”
I wrinkled up my face and sat forward in my armchair. There was no official sitting area in my room, just a couple chairs with a small side table between them. “What?”
“It’s a bootleg Frosty. Come on. I reconstructed our late night meal of choice.”
The balloon of nostalgia in my chest got another pump of air. She placed our room service order while I went to the bathroom, and I didn’t think anything of it when our food arrived. “A cheeseburger with fries, and chocolate ice cream and milk to make a milkshake? You’re a genius.”
Vi pantomimed a bow. “Thank you, thank you.”
I slouched onto my right elbow and twisted my lips. “Those nights were fun. Eating trash.”
“They were. I was lucky to have you. You always babied me.” Her cheeks tinted pink and Vi focused on her plate. “You’ll be a good dad someday.”
“Okay, now, I was not your dad,” I objected.
“Ew, not like that!” Vi said, tossing a napkin at me. “You just like everybody in your life to have what they need, you know? To feel loved?—”
She cut herself off and stared at her plate.
Love. It was the thing I felt but never said. I never got the chance, and in those final agonizing days, I wanted to tell her so badly. Being older now, I know it would have been manipulative, and I was doing enough questionable things at the time.
Red crept up my neck as I balled up my napkin and tossed it over my plate. “Hey, um, while we’re burying hatchets . . .”
Violet paused, a fry suspended in the air over the milkshake. “Yes?”
“I know you feel bad about the breakup and how everything went down, but I should apologize too.”
Her face dropped. “Why?”
I took a breath, my gut churning. “I didn’t handle the breakup very well. I think I put a lot on you because I wasn’t in a good place mentally. I’m sorry for that.”
She sat back in her chair, pulling her knees under her chin.She lifted a shoulder. “You were just trying to work it out. To understand. I get that.”
I shook my head. “No, I really wasn’t regulated. Some of the stuff I said was . . . well. I’m sure you remember.”
Vi’s brows bunched. “You scared me. I was afraid I was going to ruin your future by leaving. That I ruined you somehow. And I felt worse for not responding.”
I stared at the table between us. In a way, she did ruin the future.Ourfuture. But I knew what she meant. She was talking about some of the threats I made. Quitting hockey. Leaving school. A full-blown mental breakdown.
“You did what you needed to do. My mental health problems weren’t your fault,” I said. “If anything, the breakup was the push I needed to get help.”
Vi’s eyes met mine. “Really?”
“Yeah. Mom was the one who picked up on it. I was having mood issues before you came along, and the breakup really made it stand out.” I combed my teeth over my bottom lip.
“How are you doing now? With the heavy feelings?”
“Better. I got on meds. Did some therapy. Good thing too. I don’t think I could have gone to Tampa and had a long distance relationship with you without . . . Yeah. I needed help either way.”
“I’m glad you got what you needed. I was worried about you.”
Didn’t it occur to her that I was worried about her too? That I knew she wasn’t just moving on like nothing happened? Vi glossed right over it, though. “Speaking of your mom, how’s Janice?”
“Mom’s good. She told me to tell you hi.”
Vi smiled. “Your mom’s the best. Tell her right back at her.”
And now, the topic we’d both been avoiding. “How about your parents? Your sister?”
