I fume allthe way back to where I left Richard.
“Well, aren’t you a little stormcloud?” he muses.
“I’m going back to the house,” I say, snatching my phone off the log where it was propped up to film our content. “I need a break before we do more.”
“Alright then,” Richard says, forever unbothered. I can see why he and Granny were a good match in high school. She’s all steam and storm and he’s all peaceful good times.
Twigs snap under my stomping feet. I tear my beanie off my head because it’s too hot for a hat. Inside the house, I strip off my outdoor gear in a rage, leaving it in a pile by the door.
Or try to. I end up acquiescing to Richard’s neatness and scooping it all up before huffing into my room.
Me falling on him is not worse than what he did to me. My thing was an accident. Brodiechosenot to claim me back then. He chose to deny we were friends. To act like we didn’t have some romantic thing going on.
He chose to let Kyle fucking Connors call me “the methhead” when I came to his house to hang out. He chose to blow me off that night.
But ultimately, he decided I wasn’t worth the risk, and he’s still defending that decision today.
Which makes him not a good person in my book.
I made excuse after excuse for his behavior when I was young. But now I’m older, and I know better. I didn’t deserve the way Brodie treated me.
And I sure as hell don’t deserve him denying it had an impact now.
I open my social media app on my phone and flop onto my stomach on my bed. I have to see his do-gooder fire department profile where he pretends his heart isn’t completely black on the inside.
@foxbrofire has over two million followers. Ha. Foxboro and Brodie makes Foxbro. Clever. His videos have hundreds of thousands of views. There’s a link to his co-worker Sue’s page. A link to donate to the department.
I open one of the many thirst traps. Brodie’s shirt is always off. Sometimes he’s in just suspenders and pants. Different settings. Different activities. Safety demonstrations. One of Sue and him dancing that actually brings a smile to my face. One where Sue’s trying to teach him how to snap his suspenders and be hot about it. They look like such good friends. Iris appears in one. But on every video, there’s a link to their department’s calendar. I open it to find over 30k units sold.
It’s incredible.
I’ve been scrolling so long that I have no clue how many videos deep I am. I’m very careful not to like the videos. Leave no trace, that’s the rule on light internet stalking. I start opening comments and they are typical for thirst trap videos. Anything with Sue and him has abundant “JEALOUS” or “HEARTBROKEN” comments, or my personal favorite, “I’ll take both.”
There’s one of him talking to the camera from a couple months back. His clothes are all on and he looks stressed out. Dark circles ring his eyes and he’s got a cut on his cheek. He’s in the school gym and there’s a lot of background noise.
“Hey guys. I know I’m usually different on here. You might have seen the news that our town got hit by a series of tornadoes yesterday. It’s been really scary, but we’re lucky that everyone is accounted for and safe. Some people lost their houses and we don’t have power. I’m going to link to our fundraising calendar, or you can donate to help us get our community put back together. We appreciate the check-ins and support you’ve offered so far. I’m going to turn comments off because today isn’t about me, or even our department. Just please send your good vibes and if you can spare a couple bucks, it’ll mean a lot. If you’re a department and can send a few guys to help clean up, I’ll put our town’s admin in the link tree. Appreciate ya.”
My eyes are hot as I put my phone face down. This town went through so much, and I wasn’t here for it. Brodie wasn’t acting there. He was crushed.
I hold my eyes shut and snort a big breath. Just because he got humbled by a tragedy doesn’t change how he just acted with me.
But I can’t help but feel something for him. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on him.
My fingers start to shake as I flip to my photos app. I haven’t had the nerve to look at this video since it was taken.
Because that whole thing where I fell on Brodie, gave him a concussion, and cut his shoulder? I have it on film.
I squint at the screen like it will somehow make watching it easier to bear. I fly through the boring part of me scaling the tree. That was what the content wassupposedto be. But when my head snaps toward the incoming noise, it feels like watching a train wreck.
Brodie appears on the screen, having himself a nice little jog, until I come sailing down onto him.
There’s the moment where I’m not sure he’s alive, where I’m slapping his cheeks and calling his name. I smile when he comes to.
“There you are.” My voice is sweet. I must have been under the spell of seeing my old flame in the woods.
Then, I’m so nice to him. I cradle his head in my lap. I give him my jacket and tend to his cut. I recoil when he pukes on my legs, but I try to be nice cleaning it up.
The camera almost doesn’t catch it: the moment he realizes it’s me.
