And the most special thing about it is that I’m letting myself be me. Not doing what I “should” be doing, or what everyone expects me to do. I’m letting my thoughts roam, being a bummer when I want to, and funny when I want to, and downright raw.
Six thousand words later, Maggie knocks at my bedroom door.
“Shower much?” she teases.
A quick glance in the mirror over my dresser shows that I’m not exactly at my finest: tiny shorts, my hair in a nest on top of my head, and I’m pretty sure this shirt has a hole in it. “It’s a day off,” I protest.
“I know, I know. You want to ride with us up to Sally’s?”
I glance at the clock. I’ve got a little over an hour before I need to be there. But someone has to put the horses out. After last night, I’m willing to let Jake back in to that part of the day. And I might even want to bring him with me to the cookout. The one at Sally’s is more lowkey than the one we threw yesterday, but I get butterflies thinking of having him there with me. My cute cowboy . . . boyfriend?
I kick my feet against the quilt on my bed. I’m twenty-nine and giddy over the possibility of having a boyfriend. But he’s not just any boyfriend.
There’s the way he touches me so casually, like it’s natural to want to be near me. The way he was so easy with my family. The way he fucked up, but he apologized—and not just saying sorry. He explained how he knew what he did was wrong. In relationships, someone’s always going to fuck up, but how you fix it is the key.
“I’ll deal with the horses. Y’all go ahead. I need to get cleaned up.”
“Have you eaten anything?” she asks.
“Since breakfast? No.”
She shakes her head. “You’re crazy, girlie. You better get two plates when I see you next. And maybe see if that farmhand is hungry too.” She winks and closes the door behind her.
* * *
I’m showeredand ready for the barbecue, heading for the barn to get the horses. I’m humming an old Diamond Rio song as I shuffle across the creek. The creek’s down today, a mere shadow of what it can be. If I hadn’t been almost cold in the air conditioning all day, I’d be dipping my toes into it.
I feel good. I’m writing again, and the joy of it births a hopeful bubbly feeling in my blood. And it’s not just the goofy shit Bri and I write, though honestly, with our modest fan base, we could probably make something of it if we just changed the character names and took it out of Stars Hollow.
But this writing is helping me find my voice again, something untouched by Rob and my attempt at adulting in Raleigh, while still being informed by that experience.
For the first time, it feels like maybe I can distance myself from that chapter of my life and not see it as ongoing. That chapter is over, and it’s time for me to figure out what the next chapter looks like. Rather than being terrified, I’m exhilarated.
Stepping into the barn, I find a pair of legs sticking out from under the tractor. A familiar patch of hair trails down his stomach where his shirt rides up, and an Adonis belt that I want to put my mouth all over appears just above his jeans. I call out a “hey” so I don’t scare the owner of the pair of legs.
Jake shifts himself out from under the tractor, lifting his ball cap and wiping his brow with the bottom of his shirt. “Hey. Haven’t seen you all day.”
“I could say the same of you,” I say, a little purr in my voice. “What’s up with the tractor?”
He blows through his lips and bends his legs, hooking his arms around his knees. He looks ridiculously hot, all sweaty with greasy hands that accentuate all the veins and sinew in them. “Belt’s about to give out. Not much more I can do today without going to get a part, and everything’s closed for the Fourth.”
I scrunch my brow. “How did you know to fix it?”
He shrugs. “Had a hunch and it’s been squeaking all to hell. Asked Bill if I could take a look.”
I decide I want to be the pest this time. “Not me? You forget who the boss is?”
Jake’s face is panic-stricken. “It just happened to come up yesterday. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but sometimes I get distracted around you.” He squints into the sun behind me. “You’re all dolled up. Going somewhere?”
“Just turning the horses out and then going to Aunt Sally’s for a barbecue.” I roll my lips between my teeth. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me, but it seems like you’re still on probation.”
Jake’s mouth falls open and his eyes round. “Still? Why? I thought yesterday—last night! I thought we were good!”
I jut out a hip. “Well, maybe you should have thought about that before going over my head to my uncle. Guess you’re back to thinking women can’t run a farm.”
I turn on my heel and head for the tack room. I get to the door before Jake follows me, pinning me to it from behind. My fight bait worked, and Jake plays right into my trap.
“I didn’t mean anything by it, boss. It just came up and we talked about it.”
