“Yeah, but Jackie needed me. I needed to stand in for Dad.” I’ve never said it that way, not out loud, and it surprises me.
“That’s a lot to put on yourself,” Darcy says, her tone hushed. “Was riding Cane your first ride since then?”
“Yeah. And the little shit threw me off.”
“Welcome back!” Darcy jokes, but sobers quickly. “Must have been extra hard for you, though.”
“Honestly, it was kind of a welcome distraction,” I say, and I swallow the next thought that pops into my mind: I’m glad Darcy was there. Yes, she was the reason Cane freaked and threw me, but I think I needed her. Falling off proved that somebody had my back. Her eyes when she confessed, “You scared me,” it was like she couldn’t afford to loseme. Me specifically, not just me as a farmhand.
Was my dad behind all of this? I don’t really believe one way or another about what happens when we die or God or anything, but sometimes I swear he’s here. And that night, I felt that little tingle. I was supposed to fall, and Darcy was supposed to be there to pick me back up.
Goosebumps ripple up my arms at the thought. We’re at the pasture gate, which I open. We unclip our horses. Cane does his usual routine of racing off like he’s been pent up all day, and Freckle saunters to find some good grass. We lean on the fence and watch them.
Darcy taps my arm as she steps off the bottom rung of the gate. “Hey.”
I turn toward her and she opens her arms. She wants to hug me.
I’ve hugged Darcy before, but this is the first time I’m letting myself be comforted rather than taking pride in being the one doing the comforting. I didn’t even let her help me up after Cane threw me.
I’m so used to telling people that I’m fine, but for the first time, I don’t feel like I have to.
“I wish I didn’t still miss him. Life would be easier if I just got over it and accepted how things are now.”
She squeezes me a little tighter and says, “You can accept now and still miss him. You miss him because you loved him.”
“I still love him,” I say.
We walk back to the cabin and farmhouse in silence. I take note of the birdsong and the whirring cicadas, all the little wildflowers along the path that I now know Darcy loves. We’re at the place where we usually part ways: she goes back to the homeplace and I go to the cabin. We’re both lingering.
She stares at the ground between us before glancing up at me. “Hey, I know it’s not the same, but my whole family will be here on July Fourth weekend for a big barbecue. My family isn’t your family, but you can borrow them. I already told Becca and Caleb, but you’re welcome to come. My best friend Brianna always comes, so you wouldn’t be the only non-family.”
My smile is soft. “That’s nice of you. I’ll think about it.”
Darcy studies me. “I can hang out right now if you want.”
She has to be exhausted. She didn’t get the shower she wanted at the end of the day, and she deserves that. “Another time,” I say. “Caleb’s home.”
She nods. “You know where to find me.”
“Catch you bright and early?”
“Always, cowboy.”
EIGHTEEN
JAKE
“She’s goingto keel over if she keeps going like that.”
Caleb and I stand in the shade, sipping sweet tea while Darcy and Becca furiously cut flowers. Well, Darcy’s doing the furious part. Becca’s goofing off to some degree. Darcy brought an old battery-powered radio, and crackly country music plays.
And it’s probably the hottest it’s been all summer, now in the last week of June. I’m militant on my hydration and I’m still feeling it.
I grunt. “Becca shouldn’t be in the sun either.”
Caleb chuckles. “You going to be the one to tell them?”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “I’m not in the business of telling a woman she’s doing something wrong. I have two sisters and a highly emotional mother. I know better.”
