The next text I have to send has my hands shaking and my chest feeling tight. I need to tell Rob which vendors I canceled. If I’m really brave, I’ll ask him to cancel a few more.
Do I tell him I hope he’s well? I do hope he’s okay. He’s probably great. I saw our team is up in the Eastern Conference playoff series. I’m not sure I can keep checking the scores without breaking my own heart. If this is the year we win the Cup after everything I followed this team through . . . I just can’t bear the thought. I want them to win, of course, but I want to be there. But I don’t want to be there if Rob’s there. He tainted everything.
My arms tingle when I type out the message to Rob just before putting the farm truck in gear.
Canceled with the caterer, venue, and planner. Just thought I’d let you know
I throw my phone into the seat next to me like it’s a bug I batted away and take a cleansing breath as I start to drive.
When I crest the hill with the last spot of cell service, my phone starts to ring. I don’t stop shaking all the way home.
TWELVE
JAKE
“Good horse. Very nice,”I call, my voice low and even. Cane’s doing great where I’m leading him around the barn.
This morning I decided enough was enough. I’ve been here less than a week, but I need to prove to myself that I can still ride. I haven’t ridden since Mom sold my horse after Dad died. I had mixed feelings at the time. As an adult almost a decade later, I can see why she made that choice. I wasn’t showing any sign of wanting to ride again after Dad was gone. I kept Red groomed and cared for, but I didn’t have the heart to ride after we lost Dad. Rather than feeling like I’d be closer to him if I rode, I felt like I’d be betraying him somehow.
I was seventeen. It made sense at the time.
But Cane used to be a barrel horse, and I used to be a barrel racer. We’re made for each other. Now’s as good a time as any to try him out. My team’s practice got canceled tonight with too many kids out of town, and Darcy’s not back from the market yet. Becca’s gone for the day and Caleb’s posted up on our couch playingCall of Duty. I can work out whatever feelings might come up without an audience.
I tack Cane up, and he seems shifty. I wonder if I’m just giving off a bad vibe with my own nerves or if this is that attitude that got him thrown out of barrel racing. I talk to him in soothing tones as I tighten the cinch, then hitch my foot into the stirrup and swing my leg over to mount him. He shuffles from side to side when I grip the reins, not happy with me riding him.
“Whoa,” I tell him. Cane stops for a moment, but before I can dig my calves into his side to urge him forward, he takes off for the ring outside the barn.
This was not in the plans, but I’ll roll with it. I lead him to take the circle at whatever pace he wants. My heart’s pounding, and I’m trying to stay as cool as I can so he’ll follow suit. Just as we start to settle into a more regular rhythm, Darcy’s truck pulls in on the other side of the barn.
Cane does not like that one bit. Before I have a chance to register what’s happening, I’m flying through the air, landing on my left hip.
“Fuck,” I groan. I need to get up fast, and get him under control. Except I don’t need to because Cane’s already slowed to stop, waiting by the fence.
I hear my name and spy Darcy sprinting through the barn. Dust kicks up behind her where she runs, dropping to her knees at my side. “Are you alright?”
Her usual wit and sarcasm is gone, her eyes concerned while she checks me over. I wince as I shift to my other hip and she shushes me. “Careful, careful. What hurts?”
“Just my ass,” I grunt out.
“You sure?” she asks, gently patting my face like somehow falling off a horse would have given me a fever. It feels nice to be fussed over, so I’m not complaining.
“Yeah. I’m alright. Just my ass and my pride.”
“I’m glad that’s all it is.” She snorts and shakes her head. “Told you he’s a troublemaker.”
I huff. “That you did.”
I cut my eyes up to hers, and notice they’re red-rimmed and puffy like she’s been crying. I should really be asking if she’s alright.
“Sorry. You probably don’t need me to rub it in.” She stands and extends her arms down to me. “Need a hand?”
I wave her off and stand on my own, my hip throbbing. That’ll make a nice bruise. Darcy approaches Cane and grabs his reins, her voice soft and dare I say affectionate. “You show ol’ cowboy your tricks, huh? Let’s get you set up to go out for the night.”
“Here, I’ll help,” I say. “I’ll get Freckle.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve told you before, you already work too many hours.”
“And I’ve told you, boss, that I’m the horse guy. Let me do horse stuff for you.”
