He was right. This was for our kids. Jack was a good man. He’d be a good stepdad, and I’d be honored to be Harper and Jace’s stepmom.
I nodded, looking down at his shoes. “Yeah.” I ran my finger under each eye and sniffed, putting on a smile. “Let’s get married.”
Jack and I walked into the chapel, arm in arm. He handed his phone to the witness, a woman seated in the front row. “Can you take some pictures for us?”
“Of course.”
“Do you want to keep your cane or go without?” he asked me under his breath.
“You’ll hold me up?” I asked.
Jack’s expression held none of his usual sarcasm. “Always, Mara.”
I let him pass my cane off to the witness, and he gave my flowers back. The judge, a short Latina woman with a killer curly bob and pink glasses, had a broad smile and shot me a wink. “Little bit of cold feet never hurt anybody.”
My wet laugh rang out and Jack’s thumb reached to swipe a tear from my cheek.
“Aw, see? He’s a good one,” she said, then elbowed my side. “But last chance to back out, hon.”
I pulled in a deep breath and this time, my smile was genuine. “No, I’m ready.”
“Will you be repeating your vows or do you want me to do all the talking?”
Jack’s gaze didn’t leave my face. “I want to say them.”
A chill spread from my spine down my arms. “Alright. Let’s say them.”
“Then we’ll begin,” the judge said. “The step each of you are about to undergo is one of the most important events in life that any two people can undertake. It is entering into a union, a union between two people founded upon mutual respect and affection. Because of this unique relationship that you are both voluntarily partaking in, your individual lives will change. Resulting from this change, your responsibilities will intensify significantly, but your joy will also intensify significantly if you are sincere with your pledge that you are about to make to one another today. Are you both here freely and giving yourself at will?”
“Yes,” Jack and I said together. Whenever Jack talked, I liked to watch how his throat moved, moving the ink that crept above his collar.
“Jacques, do you take Mara to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her, forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?”
The edge of Jack’s lips curled up, but it wasn’t his usual snarky smirk. His eyes were earnest, but would his words be? He was promising to love me, the one thing he said he couldn’t give.
“I do.”
The judge moved along, just another day at the office for her. “And Mara, do you take Jacques to be your wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honor him, and keep him, forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?”
There was no way those words didn’t stick out to him. Love was in the vows.
“I do.”
“Please join hands and repeat after me. I, Jacques . . .” The judge baited him and he repeated her words.
“I, Jacques, take you, Mara, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer—” his eyes became more determined, and I knew he wanted to mean this part. Jack knew what my sickness could entail, and he was still saying the words. This time, the vows meant more because I knew what it was like to have the vows trampled on. “In sickness and in health . . .”
Jack’s breath hitched and his grip on my hands tightened for the next line, “to love and to cherish, from this day forward.”
“Breathe out. You did it,” the judge whispered and we both laughed. “Now for you, Mara. Repeat after me.”
“I, Mara, take you, Jacques, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health,” and at this point, Jack’s breaths weregrowing ragged. His eyes were red and wet and he pinched his lips into a line, sniffling.
He knew what was coming.
It wasn’t that Jack couldn’t love me. It was that Jack was scared to be loved again.
And he needed to hear loud and clear that I vowed to love him.
