Her face flushed and she smiled. “It looks like a tiara.”
“Leroy means king, so I thought maybe . . .” It sounded so dopey when I said it like that.
“I’ll be your queen?” Mara looked up at me, her red bangs dangling just above her eyes.
“If you don’t like them?—”
“I love them. Thank you.” Mara sealed her arms around my waist, banding them behind my back. Her voice came out as a whisper. “This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m glad it’s with you.”
I laughed softly, letting my fingers glide over her bare shoulder blades. Mara felt so right in my arms, but the swirl of emotions was disorienting. She wasn’t Syd, but Syd had left her mark on me all the same. I wished love could be a possibility for me, that I could give that to Mara. She deserved that kind of love.
But it would be unfair for me to lead her to believe I could give it to her.
And we were about to go to a courthouse where I’d vow my love and devotion to her.
Devotion, I could do. Sex, care, giving her a better situation, I could do.
Love, I could not.
The cold sweat broke out again.
“Likewise. Let’s head out, eh? I don’t want to miss our appointment.”
“Let’s go, Jackie baby.”
THIRTY-THREE
MARA
NOVEMBER
Jack helpedme into the passenger seat of his SUV, and I saw something special waiting for me: a pearlized cane between my seat and the console.
“Jack, what is this?”
He looked anywhere but at my face. “I thought I’d keep the cane on theme if you needed one today. I wanted you to be stylish.”
“Jack.” I sandwiched his face between my hands, stroking my thumbs over his neatly trimmed beard. “Thank you. I love that.”
His cheeks went hot under my hands.
“Kiss you?” I asked.
With a nod, he leaned in for a peck, holding my waist as he still stood outside the car. He looked like he wanted to smile so hard but was scared. I pinched his cheek in my fingers.
“You’re allowed to smile today.”
His face fell. “I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
And just like that, the veneer shattered. My chest flushed hot and I didn’t feel like crying, more like I was going to get sick.
It was fake.
I knew that. He knew that. But he wanted to make sure I knew it, and for some reason, that hurt more than I expected.
I turned my legs in and Jack closed my door. Things were tense as he started the car. I watched out my window as we got going. He had a playlist on, different from his standard Nickelback/Creed standards. This one had more emo hits.
Appropriate, since Jack and I were riding along in a tense silence.
