“Aspen,honey, I think we’re just going to have to go to bed.”
We’d played with all his new toys, had my cousin’s family over for pizza and playing, and sat outside before it got too chilly. They took off to get their kids to bed at the hotel, and we got our own kids ready for bed.
It was an hour past when Bryce had told me he’d call for Aspen’s birthday. I’d fired off countless texts and even sent him two reminders earlier in the day. I could tell Aspen was worked up about talking to his dad, and I was hell bent on making it happen.
It seemed Bryce did not share that same dedication. And now, I was the one sitting with our heartbroken sobbing mess of a son.
“Sometimes emergencies come up, Asp. Maybe Daddy had something come up.”
That did nothing to stave off Aspen’s tears. I was doing my best not to cry too.
Aspen deserved better than his dad. Jack was better, and I was glad I had him to be with Aspen. But Jack would never fully replace Bryce. Aspen knew exactly what he was missing—what he had been missing since Bryce took off almost a year before. He was almost the age where he wouldn’t have remembered him, but Bryce seemed to have leaked into some core memories.
The bastard.
Maybe I was being irrational. He could very well have had an emergency. I doubted it. This wasn’t his first rodeo of not showing when he was supposed to call. I stopped telling the kids when Bryce was supposed to call because he so rarely showed up.
Jack gave Aspen and me some space while we talked through this. He said he never wanted to interfere in his relationship with Bryce, just like I didn’t want to do anything to color Jack’s kids’ perception of Sydney. They deserved that basic time and respect.
But at least Sydney mostly earned it. Bryce was never there. If it weren’t for Aspen, I wouldn’t still be trying to keep any connection to him.
Jack was pacing in the hallway while I held Aspen through his tears, acting like he was soothing Hazel, but I knew better. It was killing him to see Aspen upset.
“Does Daddy not love me?” stopped Jack in his tracks, his reddening face appearing in the slit of the cracked-open door.
“Of course he does, sweetie,” I said. “I’m sure there’s an explanation for why he’s so late. If I hear from him, I’ll let you know in the morning.”
“Okay.”
“Alright. Why don’t you get jammies on? Birthday boy gets to pick the book. You want me to read or Jack?”
“Jack,” he moped.
I smoothed his hair back and kissed the top of his head. “Jack’s a great reader. I know he’d love to read to you on your special day.”
Aspen and I went out in the hallway, and Jack rubbed my shoulder. “I’ll get them ready.”
“Thank you,” I said.
At least for a guy who couldn’t love me, he knew how to anticipate my needs.
I didn’t have any tears left as I changed into comfy evening clothes, washing my face like a shell of a person. But when I peeked into the older kids' room, I saw why this whole arrangement was worth it.
Jack sat with their favorite bear hunt book cracked open, Hazel and Jace on his lap with Harper and Aspen tucked inbeside him on the mini-couch. Hazel glanced at Jack’s face and giggled whenever he changed his voice and imitated the noises he made.
I saw our little family for what it was: beautiful. There was no feeling like seeing this moment. I pulled out my phone and took a quick picture.
Together, we tucked all four kids in, but Aspen didn’t want me to leave.
“I think your mom can stay and cuddle, bud.”
In his little weepy voice, he said, “I want you and Mommy.”
Jack bent to kiss his hair. “You got it, buddy.”
So we got in bed with Aspen, me fitting just fine and Jack struggling to make three people in a twin bed work. We surrounded him like two commas, our legs intertwining at the ankle below Aspen’s feet. Jack let me take the lead, keeping a steady pat of his hair going.
Together, we helped Aspen sleep. I stroked his arm and listened to his breath go from stuttered from crying to slow and steady.
