“That stuff’s bad for you,” I objected.
“Yeah, whiskey’s a health food,” Obi said, trying not to laugh.
“I’m sorry, did I just hear my boyfriend defend soda?” Annie said, leaning in.
“Consider it a late Christmas gift,” Obi said, kissing her cheek.
“Coke’s fine,” I said, turning to the waiter.
Stelle looked around, waiting for Annie and Kitty to return to their conversation. “Anyway, what’s really bothering you?”
I clenched my teeth together. “Everyone who says ‘I love you’ wants something.”
“Yeah, they want you to know they love you,” Obi said. “Is that a bad thing?”
Stelle waved his hand. “No, there’s more here. What makes you uncomfortable about ‘I love you’?”
I realized I was flinching at even hearing the words. They were words I could say to my kids, but I preferred to just show it. Being there for them. Taking care of them. Listening to them.
“Sydney said it a lot.”
Stelle nodded. “To get what she wanted?”
“Yep.”
“That sucks,” Stelle said. “That’ll mess with your head.”
After a pause, Obi said, “Mara seems really sweet.”
I blew some air through my lips. “She is. She just shouldn’t be with me if she wants love. I told her I wasn’t doing love.”
Stelle eyed me cautiously. “Look, I’m no expert, but I think people respond to people hurting them in two ways: completely closing up, and becoming more compassionate.”
“Wait, am I the completely closing up type?” Kitty asked, butting in.
“No,ma puce, you’re perfect,” Stelle said, putting his arm behind her chair. “What I’m saying is, I don’t know when her divorce was, but you’ve been hurt lately and she probably has too. Her heart is open and compassionate, and yours is closed. Neither of you is wrong. It’s just different reactions.”
“That’s pretty smart, Stelle,” Obi said.
“Look at you being emotionally intelligent,” Annie said, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back like she was impressed.
My Coke appeared in front of me and I took a long drag through the straw. “That’s all well and good, but what do I do with that?”
“Accept her love, and know yours will just take more time,” Obi said, looking to Stelle to make sure he was right.
Stelle pointed to Obi. “That. That’s what you do.”
There was just one problem with all that.
I was a shitty person. I didn’t deserve her love.
FORTY-TWO
MARA
JANUARY
“Happy New Year, Mar,”Jack grumbled, his voice still thick with sleep. He smelled like yesterday’s whiskey and the scent made me blanch.
