“Okay, then, put one on.”
Nick and I chose a comfort movie, but he hardly looked at the screen, glancing at me more often.
“Annie, I don’t think I ever said sorry.”
“For what?”
“Not getting you there. I really did want to make it right that second night.”
“Oh, I know. It was just a bad circumstance. I still feel bad for telling my friends.”
“Water under the bridge,” he said. “I want to make it right, though.”
I grinned, reaching toward him and grabbing his sweatshirt sleeve. “You’ll get to. Don’t worry.”
His eyebrows went up a touch. “You know, I thought about you a little bit today.”
“Oh yeah? A little bit? Like about that contract we need to get finished for goalie school?”
“Yeah, get on that, woman.” He laughed softly. “No. About you you. About that little performance you did for me this morning.”
“You liked that, huh?”
“Oh, definitely.”
“What are you hoping to get out of our arrangement? Like what do you want to learn?”
His voice was low and husky, perhaps a partial product of his throat’s shredded state. “I want to learn what I need to do to make your body sing. To make you feel a fraction as good as you make me feel. To bring that little piece of heaven to you.”
My chest flushed, and I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Oh.” I cleared my throat. “So, what are the specific items you want to check off, then?”
“I think I want . . . to make you come with my hands, and with my mouth, and I want to feel what it’s like for you to come on my cock. I want to hear what turns you on, so I can make it come true. I want to try you being in charge, and me being in charge. But I think I really might want . . .”
“What, Nick? You can tell me.”
He drew a shuddering breath, his next words gravelly. “I want to watch you while I talk to you.”
Why was the idea alone turning me on? He was sick, and not even talking dirty, and I was getting wound up. “Nick.”
“I think it would help for me to see how you do it for yourself. And maybe I could help by talking to you. I might not get it right, but I want to try.”
“What I like might not be what your next girl likes,” I said.
“I have to start somewhere. Get the jitters out. Rip off the Band-Aid.” He shrugged. “What do you want out of it?”
I flapped my mouth, unsure of how to answer. I turned my attention to the movie. He tapped the bed next to me.
“I just told you everything, Annie. Trust goes two ways.”
Tears stung my eyes. I hadn’t imagined a conversation about sex would make me emotional. “Until you meet someone else, I just want to be the only one.”
Nick’s eyes softened. He could have pushed me more on the sexual end of things, but he knew when to shut up. “Consider it done. You’re the only one, Annie.”
He opened his arms and beckoned me close, arranging me so my head was on his chest and our legs intertwined. I sniffled. “I mean it’s fine if you meet someone. That’s the goal, right? To get you ready for the right person? I just want you to tell me when you do so I’m not in the dark.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, angel. No cheating. From either of us.”
“No feelings,” I said, soothed by the steady drum of his heart under my ear. “And no one can know. Not Guy. Not Mikey. No one.”
