My throat went dry as I considered what Nick had asked of me. Maybe what Nick had proposed wouldn’t be so outlandish. Maybe a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a genuinely kind human would be a good way to recover from an absolutely rotten relationship. We could kiss and cuddle without having to worry where it was going. And he might not be the most skilled at sex, but he was asking for help in that department.
He'd screwed up with me for sure, but it was forgivable. He was trying. He was honest. I didn’t think he had a bone of ill intent in his body. I’d never seen a video of him mic’d up during a game, but he was probably one of those goalies who sings songs and goofs off.
What would be the harm?
Chapter 21
Nick
OCTOBER | Tarot: Two of Cups
We were made for each other.
Two people, broken by relationships. Queer. Broken by society and expectations and demands.
And in a way, she broke me. She was a dream, then disappeared from my life, only returning when she was forced to do so. And I chased after her like a dog dropped off outside town. Begging for her to give me another chance. Begging her to care for me.
I believed that she did, deep down. She wouldn’t be there, stroking my hair, cooling my skin with her own, if she didn’t care at all.
But it was complicated. Annie needed me so she could earn a decent living.
She needed me one way. I needed her in a totally different way.
That’s why I wondered if it was a fever dream when she said, “I’ll help you out, Nick.”
I lifted my head from its very comfy perch between her boobs. “What?”
“I’ll help you. With the sex stuff.” Her voice quivered. “But we can’t tell anyone.”
My eyes stung and felt hot. Whether that was the fever or the feelings, I couldn’t be sure. “I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you to feel used either.”
“Oh, I won’t be used. You’re going to get it right this time,” she said, wetting her lips. “But it can’t be more than physical. I can’t lose my job. I hope you can understand that.”
I nodded. “I get it. I just need help being better at it. And I want the first time to be with someone I trust.”
She snorted softly. “Shocked you trust me after I’m the reason you got embarrassed in the first place. But yeah, I can teach you how to fuck.”
“I think teacher-student role play sounds pretty fun,” Ichuckled, then started into a coughing fit.
I sat up to take a sip of water. Even with the ice in it, it felt like I was swallowing thousands of shards of glass. A tear came to my eye and I whined. “It hurts so bad.”
“I’m so sorry, bub,” she said, rubbing my back. Then she held me to her chest, her gentle hands soothing me. Her lips met my shoulder. Her sweetness was disorienting. She’d kissed my forehead, my hair, and now my shoulder. I couldn’t decide if it was just a caring touch or romantic, but it felt nice. For a while, we were just quiet. I chanced a glance back at her to find she hadn’t gone back to sleep.
“Let me see if Kitty texted me back.” She snatched her phone off the nightstand and coughed out a laugh. “You’re not going to believe this.”
I hummed miserably.
“The kids had hand, foot, and mouth.”
“What the fuck?” My throat immediately retaliated at my outburst. I whispered my next sentence. “That thing cows get?”
“I think that’s hoof and mouth,” she said.
“Is this fatal? Call my mom, please!”
Annie laughed. “I don’t think it’s fatal, babe. I was just going to do an internet search, but I can call your mom if you really want me to. Won’t we be waking her up?”
“She’s a night shift nurse. She might answer. Can you get my phone?”
