And in a way, it was indeed an affair. An affair that ended in me losing my best friend and the first person I ever loved. Shane was my freshman roommate at the small Ohio college that was randomly known for hockey, but more known for partying. I don’t give up my feelings easily. I can feel the spark of attraction, but I need to feel connected to someone before I can get to physical intimacy. My only kiss before Shane was my prom date, and that ended with me asking to just be friends. I’d known her for years, but once we were kissing, it just didn’t feel right.
But with Shane, I felt the tension between us for weeks. We went everywhere together and did all the late-night studying and paper-writing together. Then one night at a frat party, he asked if we could leave early. His fingers had brushed mine on the walk back to our dorm, and I thought I was still imagining it. But once we got our door closed and his body crushed mine against it, I knew for sure that I hadn’t been imagining what we had.
Shane had all my firsts, and from what he told me, I had his. First kiss with a man. First hand job, blow job, sex.
First love.
Pushing our beds together because we were both too big to squeeze into a twin, then pushing them back in the morning. We’d always treated our nights like a sleepover, talking until one of us dozed off. But once we were “us,” we stayed up in each other’s arms. We knew everything about each other. He knew about my dad’s depression, and my mom picking up the slack. I knew about how his parents were loaded, but basically ignored each other all the time. Their main concerns revolved around whether Shane and his brothers made good matches with other social elites.
I felt bad that I was his secret, that he was actually promised to some girl back home. That she was his girlfriend actively. Didshe know about us? Did anyone?
When Shane and I went our separate ways for the summer, he ghosted me. I tried calling, texting, Snap, anything I could think of. But when he posted a picture with his girlfriend smiling in his lap, I knew it was over. He’d chosen what his parents wanted.
Losing Shane devastated me. And if I hadn’t gotten drafted that summer, I might have gone on a real self-destructive streak. But instead, I chose to focus on what I was good at: hockey. I had a year in the AHL, and was quickly called up to be part of the Princes.
It paid off. That focus led to me riding through West Virginia with guys seven years my senior who I considered my closest friends. I was lucky to have had them come into my life at just the right time.
We had to pull off the road to let Mikey regain his composure. Kitty and the girls passed us, blaring the horn with their middle fingers out the window. But just before they got around the next bend, their van pulled over and Jessie got out, jogging toward Mikey. She patted his back as he puked over the guardrail. My stomach turned in a different way. It was heartwarming to see how sweet they were together. It had taken Mikey a long time to find her, and he was a damned fool for her. Maybe someday I’d get that lucky.
Once Mikey recovered, we got back on the road. We all sang along to country radio, or at least Guy and I did while Mikey was green in the passenger seat. We got to the Greenbrier in the late afternoon.
Annie looked to be in better spirits than when we met at baggage claim. Beautiful Annie, with her sparkling green eyes and apparent Diet Coke addiction. And that sadness in her eyes that twisted something in my gut.
I’d first noticed her at Guy and Kitty’s engagement party but was too nervous to talk to her. I figured any friend of Kitty’s would have a sharp wit and generally be a little scary, like Kitty. Don’tget me wrong—I love Kitty, and I’m glad she makes Guy happy. But she can be a little bit intimidating. I lumped her friends into that category, but that didn’t mean I was immune to Annie being a beautiful woman. When I saw her at the airport in Chicago, I felt like she could see straight through me to the tiny crush I harbored for her. A crush with no basis other than her looks, but a crush nonetheless.
So when I caught her sad eyes as she boarded the plane, I got as pink-cheeked as a teenager.
When we got out at the Greenbrier, the guys went for their girls’ bags, and I grabbed Annie’s from the back of the van.
“I’ve got it,” she said. I shrugged her off. She was quickly recruited to help with the bag with Kitty’s wedding dress in it, anyway.
“How long is that thing?” Mikey teased Kitty.
“As long as I want it to be, Michael,” she shot back.
They continued bickering in their brother-sister way, but I watched Annie on the steps in front of me. Her long blonde hair shone in the late afternoon sun as she dabbed at some sweat forming on her brow. There was no denying it: Annie was very pretty. She had an athletic build, long and lean. The little tank top she wore showed off her strong shoulder blades, her spine a delicate column between them. Little freckles lined the tops of her shoulders, just like over the bridge of her nose. What would the skin of her spine feel like under my lips?
My eyes zoomed down to her ass, clad in some fancy yoga pants and finished with some white sneakers. She was fit, that’s for sure. I wondered if she played a sport. Then I chastised myself for ogling my friend’s friend’s ass.
Hey, at least someone piqued my interest. That wasn’t a guarantee.
I didn’t really date. I spent most of my time with my teammates who were in relationships. I sometimes thought about the dating apps, but I didn’t want someone outing me if I marked that I wasinterested in males or females. The few dates I had been on from the apps were a bit disastrous anyway. I could always tell upon arrival if someone had googled me. Sometimes even before. A girl requested we change our date to a much more expensive place, and she made it clear that I’d be paying. I had one polite drink and got the hell out of there.
Yes, my rookie contract had been a record-breaker. And I didn’t blame women for googling me for their own safety. You should know who you’re meeting up with. But it sucked. I never got guys in my DMs, and I was medium afraid of some of the propositions I got from women. It was so obvious that they wanted a money-for-sex trade. Not like sex work, but like, I’m their meal ticket and they’re unlimited ass.
Between my freshman affair and my quick rise to the NHL, I found myself in a position where I’d done everything you can with a man but never so much as fingered a woman. What kind of twenty-one-year-old was I? Most guys my age would have tons of experience. And I did, with one specific boy. If I were still in college, I probably would have experience with girls.
Whatever. I could crush on Kitty’s friend for the weekend if I wanted to. It was low stakes. I’d probably never see her again. Something about the sadness in her eyes at the airport messed with me. I wanted to do whatever it took to see her smile again. My thoughts drifted to me, of all people, being this beautiful woman’s knight in shining armor, saving her from her sadness.
And there I was, lost in my own head as Kitty and Guy greeted their other friends who’d gotten in earlier.
“Obi, here’s your room key,” Guy said, passing me a card. “They tried to block us all together, but I guess there are two weddings? They had to put you and Annie on the other side of the hotel.”
Annie appeared at my side with a shy smile that made my cheeks heat. I kept doing that around her. Just looking at her boarding the airplane made my ears hot.
“No funny business, you two!” Guy said. “She’s got a boyfriend!”
Annie’s body shifted like she’d been punched, her smile faltering.
