Ben held his face over mine, locking our mouths together, whimpering in relief.
“Jessie, how am I supposed to not be obsessed with you?”
I grinned up at him. “I think you might be my new favorite thing. But I made you do missionary.”
Ben let out a loud laugh. “You are not vanilla, darlin’. Rest assured. Anything but.”
“Why thank you,” I said, beaming up at him.
He stroked my cheek, still deep inside me. “You’re not gonnarun off on me, are you? Take all this away?”
His question caught me off guard. I didn’t expect him to be so vulnerable after sex. My mind swirled.
“I don’t think so?”
“You keep saying that you might leave L.A. I just want to put in a formal request that you... not do that,” Ben said. He was trying to make a joke, but his eyes were wounded.
“I wasn’t planning on making any big decisions at the moment,” I said, not sure what to think. “But things are a little chaotic right now. This is all happening pretty fast.”
The hurt was all over Mikey’s face. “Right.” He couldn’t meet my eyes. “I’ll just, uh,” he said as he pulled out of me and pushed the blanket up to the mess. He stood, getting a look at the clock.
“Fuck! I’ve got morning skate in like thirty,” he said, stomping to the dresser to get out his clothes.
“Oh. Can I help? Coffee?”
“I’ll just grab something at the rink,” he grumbled.
I was already tired of his shit. “Ben, you’re not doing this.”
He slammed open his underwear drawer. “Doing what?”
“Pulling away because you’re scared!”
“I’m not pulling away, you are!” he objected. “You keep acting like you’ve got one foot out the door!”
I rolled my eyes. “When was the last time I said anything about leaving? Were we together?”
He stopped with his shirt halfway over his head. “I guess not.”
“Jockey, I’m not trying to leave. But you have to know, this is all a lot for me. I might need some space to deal with that.”
“What does space even mean, Jessalyn?” he shouted.
I blinked twice and bristled.
“I’m sorry I yelled. You don’t deserve that.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“But clue me in. All I’ve ever wanted is someone to care about me like what my friends have, but it’s fucking terrifying. I don’tknow what I’m doing. I like you so much, Jessie. I don’t want to screw all this up, but I also don’t want to get all tied up just for you to decide I’m not worth it.”
His words were heartbreaking. Such a big, sweet guy was so full of sadness deep down.
“That’s kind of the risk of love, Mikey,” I said, pulling the blanket up to cover me. “But from what I’ve seen so far, you’re worth it. What are you so afraid of?”
“Nothing. Forget it,” he said, sitting at the end of the bed and putting his socks on.
“Ben. Remember what I said about communication? Please don’t shut down on me.”
