“I don’t want that either,” I argued. “I want whatever this is to be real.”
He shook his head with a sad smile. “You want me to be your post-breakup good dick guy. But the good dick guy doesn’t get the girl. He just gets to be her best sex and show her that she wants more than good sex.”
“Mikey, that’s not true. You’re more than that to me. We haven’t done any of that stuff, and I still get excited when I think about you.”
He sighed, hanging his head over his forearms on the bar.“That came out shitty. I don’t think you’d mean to do it or anything. I just don’t know how to do relationships and you’re going to figure it out sooner or later anyway. We’re different kinds of people. I’m not a relationship guy.”
I thought about the throwaway comment he made about his dad being a cheater and knew this was coming not from a grown man, but a hurt little boy. I put my hand on his leg.
“Do you want a relationship with me?”
He nodded, not meeting my eyes. “Yeah.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I hear what you’re saying about the rebound, and I want to respect that. But there’s no magic bullet that makes you a relationship person or not. There’s just communication, being honest with each other. And you’re really good at that.”
He swallowed hard and glanced at me sidelong. I went on.
“I can’t make you trust me, or yourself. But I know you trust other people. Look at your team, your friends. Those are real relationships, too. Don’t count yourself out.”
His eyes traveled over my face, processing. Then his mouth went back to that smirk. “You should be a coach, Sweet Cheeks. You give one hell of a pep talk.”
My heart fluttered. “Does that mean I get the prize?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Prize?”
“You. Us. We’ve both got reasons to not do this, but what if we just did it anyway?”
He chuckled and gestured to his body. “You think you can manage all this?”
I smirked at him. “If anyone can, it’s me.”
He rolled his lips between his teeth, considering. He reached in his back pocket, pulled a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet, and threw it down on the bar.
“You ready to go?” he asked, holding out his hand.
“Let’s go home,” I said, lacing my fingers through his as he led me out of the restaurant.
Chapter 29
Jessie
Outside the restaurant, Ben ordered our ride home.
“Six minutes,” he announced, then turned back to me. “What do you wanna do with that time?”
“That’s up to you. Are you in or out on this?” I asked, gesturing between us. Nerves wracked me as a little voice in my head told me he could be doing this with any number of other women at the same time.
He pulled my hips to his, gazing down into my eyes. “It might be a mistake, but I think you know I’m in.”
“Are you? No other girls? Because some girls are probably okay with sharing, but I’m not that kind of girl.”
He rubbed his lips together nervously and put his head back, sighing. “I probably have no game for telling you this, but you know I can’t keep my mouth shut.”
“Oh, geez,” I said, fearing for whatever was about to come from his trap.
He smiled at me, but his eyes were serious. “There hasn’t been anyone since I met you. Since you stomped over to my place in your tiny pajamas. Since you raged at me and tore me open and told me what was what. No one else could ever bowl me over like you do. It’s just you.”
A warm wave of joy spread over me. He was choosingme. NotSheila. Not some other woman. He just wantedme. Someone who was with me for four years couldn’t choose me, but Mikey did. “Not even on the road?”
