Almost as sour as the gross smell starting to emanate through our apartment. Almost like rotten seafood.
* * *
“What the fuck did you do?”
My phone rang at work around 8:30 a.m. Tuesday. Cole wason a rampage. I happened to have a spare second, so I made the mistake of answering.
“Excuse me? I’m at work, Cole.”
“It smells like shit in here,” he bit out. “I know you and your stupid little boyfriend had something to do with it.”
“You’re going to have to fill me in,” I said. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I found the tuna can in the kitchen, Jessalyn,” he hissed. “But that’s not all of it. Where did you hide the rest?”
“What tuna can? Why would I have anything to do with a tuna can?”
“You’re the only weirdo I know who likes fucking tuna salad! Who else would have put an open fucking tuna can on top of my kitchen cabinets, Jessalyn?” he raged. He rarely called me Jessalyn. I was pretty sure he’d just heard Mikey calling me by my full name through the walls, which made me even happier. I had to bite back laughter. Whoever did it was a genius.
“Well, maybe one of the women you cheated with decided it was time to pay you back.”
“Oh, whatever, you little puck bunny. Hope you’re enjoying the jock’s diseased cock.”
I hung up right then. He didn’t deserve another second of my time. Brilliant as it was, I didn’t do the tuna can stunt. I didn’t need to take his abuse. If anything, finding out he’d been cheating made it easier to move on. He went from being a vanilla human in my mind to being an actual menace.
But it still hurt. And what I really wanted was a hug from Mikey. Mikey, who left me flowers and a “hang in there” card with a picture of a kitten hanging on a screen door. Mikey, who washed my car, gassed it up, and got me a garage pass.
Oh, fuck. Mikey’d had my keys Saturday morning. It totally could have been him.
Why did that somehow excite me to think he’d commit lightvandalism on my behalf?
Commit any petty crimes lately?
Benjamin Michael Jockey
Not that I’m aware of officer
Do I need to step out of the vehicle?
Seems kinda “fishy” that you had my keys Saturday morning
Only to treat my favorite roomie to a few things
Like vandalism?
Jessie, you know everything I did
So you’re confessing?
I’m entitled to an attorney
And a 5 minute phone call
My phone buzzed in my hand as his call came in.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Sweet Cheeks. Miss me yet?”
