Because she was Jessalyn, and I was obsessed with her. That’s how.
Fuck it. I couldn’t get in bed with her with my dick like that. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way she breathed. How it caught the slightest bit when I leaned over her to get a plate from the cabinet. What would that feel like against my neck, deep inside her, making her beg for me? How would she taste? She wore this perfume or lotion or something that made her have this soft peach scent. Would I smell like that after we fucked? Would she be as feisty in bed as she was when we bantered, or would she let me take the lead? Would it be “take me, Daddy” or would it be “fuck me, Ben?” Maybe ten strokes later, my hand was a mess. I’m not sure I’d ever come that hard, that fast.
As I came down, I realized it was Florida playing Toronto on the screen. We were playing Toronto in a few days, so it would be smart for me to watch. Yep, I could give Coach notes and show how much value I added to the team by checking them out. It was already debatable whether we’d be snagging a wild card spot that year. We needed all the help we could get.
I had to get my head on straight. I couldn’t keep living in this Jess-centric la-la-land.
It was no fault of hers. I just hadn’t been this way over a woman, I don’t know, maybe ever?
Would giving in make it better? Or would giving in make me more of a shithead for inviting her into the lion’s den only to be devoured by the lion himself?
When I crawled into bed with Jess a couple of hours later, she let out a quiet hum in her sleep. Her breathing was downy soft. I was usually a side sleeper, but I couldn’t help myself. I stayed on my back in case she’d want to curl up on my chest like she did that first night. Thinking over the day, I relished how for the first time in my life, I’d started and ended an entire day with the same person.
Chapter 21
Jessie
“So, I kinda have a new roommate.”
I shifted down the craft services line with Kitty, picking outbreakfast before shooting started for the day.
“So I’ve heard!” Kitty said, her face lighting up. “I didn’t want to say anything in case you’d already left or something. How’s that going?”
My face flushed as I thought back on the self-love incident in his bed the night before. “It’s whatever. We’re adjusting to each other. He’s kind of all over me, wanting to hang out constantly.”
Kitty laughed as she poured cream in her coffee. “Mikey always and forever wants to hang out. He’s like a lost puppy sometimes, God love him. He’s so sweet, but it can be a lot. I’m sure he’s glad to have your company.”
I raised my eyebrows. “That’s one way to put it. He decided my air mattress was inadequate and ordered me a bed. But it has to off-gas, so I have to bed share with him. It’s been a whole thing.”
Kitty fought a spit take of her coffee. “Did he purposely orchestrate that? Are you okay with that?”
“Well, I didn’t imagine he did it on purpose. I don’t think he premeditated me becoming his roommate.”
Her eyes were wide. “Just know, if you ever need a break, my door is open. Whether Guy’s home or not, you’re welcome to stay at my place. Even if you just need to sit in Mikey-free silence for a while, you can come over.”
“Appreciate it, Kitty.” But really, I was spiraling a bit. Why was I twenty-five and relying on everyone in my limited social circle for housing?
“And maybe all four of us can get dinner when they’re back from the next road trip. We can make the boys come up this way or we can go out around me and Guy in Glendale.”
“That sounds awesome,” I said.
I was taken aback by how nice she was. A writer and actress was just opening her life to me. We were sort of around the same age. I’d only briefly met her fiancé, between the sleeping pill incident and the engagement party, but still, the hockey crowdwas surprisingly kind of amazing.
Three weeks before, my life was boring as shit. My job was still exciting, but I only ever hung out with Cole and his friends. Suddenly, I had this expanding world. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but there was no indication that either Mikey or Kitty was going to cut me out of their lives.
* * *
The day finally came where I’d be able to sleep in my own bed. The second night in Mikey’s bed was less tense, mostly because he wasn’t home and didn’t even come in until after I was long asleep. I only had to give him a dirty look for making some ridiculous grumbling noise that woke me up when he got in bed Tuesday night.
Had I known I was going to be alone Tuesday, I would have kept my damn hand out of my pants Monday night. Still, I didn’t dare attempt masturbating again, though I’m pretty sure that’s what Mikey had done after he left me alone that night. You don’t turn the TV that loud just because. Thinking that me touching myself had made him have to touch himself made my whole body flush.
We weren’t childish enough to build a pillow fort between us. We’re grown adults. We could share a sleeping surface without touching, right?
Wrong.
Both mornings, I woke up curled up on his chest, his arm holding me to him. I decided to just enjoy the snuggles. He barely stirred when I got up, probably because I’m a considerate human being and am quiet. He mumbled a “Have a good day” from the bed when I left each morning.
When I got home Wednesday night, I was so looking forward to crashing in my own bed. I spotted a familiar face when I was walking into my building: Cole’s coworker Sheila. I’d alwayssuspected there were feelings between them but never wanted to push. I got a text chime as I walked to the elevator.
