I mean, yeah, he kinda did when he rejected me three times before. It was super nice of him to make my favorite dinner and get special drinks, but I’d rather have banged on the living room floor and ordered Chinese takeout to eat naked.
But I didn’t communicate that, and he was trying. I was trying, too.
Maybe it was my fault for trying.
“No, it’s alright,” I said. “Wanna talk in bed?”
Cole got a soft smile. “Yeah. Let’s do that.”
In the bedroom, Cole stripped off his shirt and tossed it in the hamper unceremoniously. As he dropped his pants, I stood in the doorway, feeling awkward.
“I was hoping maybe we could undress each other.”
Cole pressed a hand to his forehead. “You’re right. I’m on autopilot. Sorry, babe. Come here.”
I walked to meet him by our bed, the bed we bought when we moved to L.A. Cole was excited about his signing bonus and anyway, we weren’t totally sure our bed from New York didn’t have bedbugs. Yikes.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered before kissing me and tugging at the hem of my dress. A dress that would have granted him perfect access to my pussy in the kitchen, if he’d been so inclined. I’d even considered it when I laid out my clothes the night before. I shoved thoughts of Mikey’s words out of my head and focused on the man who had been there for me for the last four years.
Clothes off, Cole playfully pushed me back to the bed and offered his cock to me. With the height of our bed, it always ended up in my face. I gave him a courtesy lick and stroke, thensurrounded him with my breasts. He’d always been crazy about them.
“Want more?” I asked.
“Suck me, Jessie,” he begged.
“I think maybe I should go first this time,” I said.
And then, he laughed, shaking his head.
My stomach dropped. The man who was supposed to love me was laughing at my request for pleasure.
“Babe, it’s so hard to get you off like that,” he whined, justifying himself to my hurt expression.
“So you won’t even try?” My cheeks flamed. I couldn’t believe I had to lay it out for him like that.
“I just don’t see the point,” he said.
“The point is me feeling good,” I said, trying not to cry.
“Aw, Jess. Don’t be like that. I’m sorry. I just feel like a failure at it.”
“When was the last time you tried?” I yelled.
He held up his hands. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’ll go down on you. Don’t cry over it,” Cole said, like he was doing me some huge favor. “Here.”
He bent and lowered his tongue into my slit, no preamble. Well, something’s better than nothing. I grasped his hair and rolled my hips, trying to ignore all our blunders up to this point and get in the zone.
“Too hard,” I hissed as he bludgered my clit with his tongue.
He changed his pace and raised his eyebrows, looking up at me. “That’s better,” I assured him. I sat back, doing my best to enjoy the experience.
But the next time I looked down at him, he looked miserable. That wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted him to want it with me. I wanted him to be so overcome with the need to satisfy me that he’d do whatever it took. I always did whatever it took for him.
I decided to grant him mercy.
Breathlessly, I spoke. “Fuck me, Cole.”
His relief was palpable. He climbed on top of me, wiping my arousal off his face as he slid into me. Again, no preamble. He thrust into me, again and again, but I just wasn’t feeling it. He was making love to a person, but it wasn’t me.
