And wounded. I suspected the wounds were what made him break up with me, but I couldn’t know since he left no explanation. “Find your relationship guy.”
And yet, I woke up to a message from him in New York. “I miss you.”
Maybe he was coming back around. But he couldn’t just shut me out when stuff got hard. If he really wanted me, he had to get vulnerable. I knew deep down that this was injured child Mikey and not grown-up Ben, but I can’t force a man to grow up. That’s something he’s got to do on his own.
I went from what I thought was a stable relationship to being cheated on, to a complete whirlwind romance where it felt like I was on a game show with the floor bottomed out. Floating on air,swept up in Ben with no grounding.
That lack of grounding came back to bite us. I needed to know how to be independent. I couldn’t afford to screw up this time in my career either.
I had enough money at that point, between my new salary and a bonus they offered me to get me through the transition. I could easily put down money on a new apartment. I planned to look for my own place as soon as I got my replacement hired.
It was 7 p.m. by the time I felt confident that everything was coordinated for the week. I had emails out to a handful of candidates to fill the vacant position. I could head back to Kitty’s for the night and be out early the next morning.
But right when I had my mind made up and everything tucked into its neat, uncomplicated mental box, I walked outside into a thunderstorm.
Chapter 48
Mikey
I played a great game in New York. I even scored a goal, which isn’t that frequent for me. Assists? Sure. Goals? Not as much.
Moving on the ice pushed me back into myself. Guy was right. Why did it matter what had happened in the past for me? Jessie was willing to be with me as I was. I broke up with her, not the other way around. I wasn’t my dad, or my mom. Why did it matter who I’d had sex with before? All those women were partof the process of learning what I wanted, who I am.
I got on the plane home with a new determination. I was going to get Jessie back. I’d apologize for clamming up. I’d finally tell her that I loved her. I’d show her that she was the only person for me. I’d commit to being the man she deserves.
She could say no. She could change her mind. But I had to try.
Because what’s the point of living if you don’t take a chance on love?
I made a lightning-fast stop to a corner store to grab some flowers, dodging raindrops on the way in. Apparently, we were lucky our game was at noon and we could fly back before this big storm hit. Figures that it would storm on the day I needed to make a dramatic comeback. How cinematic. And with how Jessie hated storms so much, I was determined to be there for her.
Our apartment was eerily quiet, the rain pattering the windows the only sound. My footsteps echoed in a way they hadn’t before. Jess’s bed was neatly made and Yarn Wad wasn’t there, which isn’t like her. My bed was neatly made, too, also without Yarn Wad. A really snazzy new cream-colored suit hung from the main hook in our closet. I touched the jacket, opening it to find a liner that stopped my heart. She’d found ocelot-patterned silk for the lining.
I wanted to laugh with her about it, to tell her how clever it was, but where was she?
Had she given up? Had she left? Was the suit my farewell present? I rushed into Jessie’s room and opened her drawers. Empty. Her main sewing machine was gone, as was her suitcase.
Jessie had left. I don’t know why I was surprised. I asked her to leave me alone. She just took me seriously.
The walls were closing in on me. The air felt tight and stale. She did the thing I’d feared most. She had really given up on me.
I slid down the wall in the hallway, not trusting myself to sit without just falling over. I pulled out my phone and dialed Jessie.
No answer.
I called Guy.
“What, Mikey? I just got home to Kitty. The roads are a mess.”
I gasped in some air, my face wet. “Jessie left me. She’s... she’s gone.”
Guy hesitated. “I’m sorry, man.”
“She left. Her stuff is gone. Is she... is she there? With you?”
Guy sighed. “I feel caught in the middle here, Mike.”
“So she is. I’m on my way.”
