I was a fool for even holding out hope that I could make it up to her. I didn’t deserve Jessie, plain and simple. Love wasn’t in the cards for me. My family didn’t love me, and I’d been kidding myself to think that Jessie and I could be together after all the crap I’d pulled in the past.
Guy placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “We really gotta go, Mike.” I’d just been staring into the sink. My head throbbed and my stomach was on the verge of another eruption. I pulled an Imodium out of my dopp kit and chewed it up.
“Are those chewable? Whatever,” Guy said. “Come on. Let’s go.”
We were silent in the elevator, until he cleared his throat. “So, you wanna talk about it?”
“Fuck off.”
“K.” He looked the other way and fucking whistled like it was that casual. He’d always been a jokester when I was mad. Minus that one time I insulted Kitty, which I still regret.
We got to the arena in Jersey late, all because of me. Our flight was delayed, and then our bus hit traffic. One game in New Jersey, one in New York, with a day off in between. A day off in New York would usually excite me. I used to use it as an excuse to get my dick wet, but that wouldn’t be happening this time. Even if I wasn’t with Jessie, I couldn’t imagine finding any fulfillment in some random woman. I’d had the real thing. Maybe I’d just become a monk and never have sex again. I couldn’t hurt anyone that way.
I put on my headphones and blasted the saddest music I could think of, remembering Jessie’s sweet hazel eyes, how pretty she was when she lost it for me. The way at one point, I took the hurt away for her, getting her out of the bad situation with Cole. Holding her when she was scared. Becoming friends. Realizing what a big chance she was giving me by letting me try out love on her.
Then I just brought more hurt into her life. My ex-flings went on parade to show off how poor my choices had been in the past. Showing up at my apartment. Yelling at her at parties.
But it didn’t matter. Because the love I’d known was a lie.
I made the mistake of checking my phone before locking in for the game against Jersey. No more messages from Jessie. Of course there weren’t. I’d told her to leave me alone. Left her on read the night before.
I’d gotten what I wanted. She’d given up on me.
I slipped out to a bathroom stall where I lost it. I had to let her go. I had told her that I wasn’t the guy for her and she still checked in on me. Too bad I was meant to be a loner. I’d always have my friends, but true love wasn’t for me.
I wanted her so bad, but I just couldn’t keep doing all that. Wewere different types of people. She deserved more than what I could give her.
I’d figure out how to handle us living together when I got back. I didn’t want to leave her high and dry financially, because she didn’t deserve that either. Maybe I’d just move out and keep paying her rent. It would hurt too much to be in the same space as her and not be able to have her.
I didn’t realize I was gasping for air until Sorrento peeked under the stall.
“Open the door, Mikey,” he said quietly. “It’s gonna be alright, but you gotta let me in.”
“I’m fine,” I barked.
“I’m serious, man. Open the door.”
I unlatched the door, where I was just sitting on the toilet with my full uniform on. His hand fell to my shoulder.
“It’s gonna be fine, my man. Is this about Jessie?”
“No. Yeah. I don’t know.”
“She break up with you?”
“No, I did.”
“Why?”
“Mind your business, Sorrento.”
He chuckled a little. Fucking dick. “Bud, she’d probably take you back. She’s a sweet girl.”
“You think I don’t fucking know that?”
“You cheat on her?” he asked.
“No! Why does everyone think that?”
