“You look like hell.”
“It won’t affect my playing, Coach,” I argued. “I’m not injured. What upper body injury are you talking about?”
“Come on. Don’t make me spell it out.”
I looked at him with a shrug. I really didn’t understand.
“Your head’s not on right. I think you need to take a little time off to get it back together. Maybe talk to the team shrink. You could hurt yourself playing when you’re like this.”
I was embarrassed. Kitty and I had split up three years before and I was still that torn up over her. But while we’d split up, she was always mine to me. Why couldn’t everyone get that?
I’d been silentfor too long.
“I’ve been there before, Stelle. I wish someone had given me some time.”
“You have?”
“The woman before my wife. She cheated on me, though. You learn to love again.”
That statement made nausea churn hot in my gut. I wouldn’t love again. I’d only love Kitty.
But I took the time off, and I had a few long sessions with the team psychologist. I’d met with her once before, but it was brief and strictly focused on hockey. This time, I spilled it all out. Papa leaving. Maman dying. Kitty and I getting together. Kitty and I falling apart. My continued hopes that Kitty would come back to me someday. The women I killed time with in between what I hoped was our split and getting back together.
I told her how I really believed Kitty was coming back.
The therapist encouraged me to take the time to mourn all the things I’d lost. She told me it was okay to take some time and space from talking to Kitty as a friend, or to talk if I needed the closure. I couldn’t fathom closure, because that would mean it was over. I chose to put distance between us.
She had me write about my feelings. I wrote about how much I missed Maman. I wrote about how I resented Papa for not being able to try harder for us. I looked through old pictures of me and Kitty, and sadly, looked at some pictures of her withhim. Did I even know Kitty anymore?
But in a way, I felt like I did. We still texted sometimes, when one of us did something noteworthy. We remained each other’s biggest fans.
I looked over my shelf filled with hats she’d sent me every time I got a hat trick, along with the snow globe she gave me right before we broke up. Every single time, she showed that she was still paying attention and still cared.
True to Kitty’s way of being, the hats were all silly. One, anI LOVE NY hat. Another was a really douchey-looking fedora with a peacock feather in the band. One was so big I had to design a special shelf for it, an oversized cowboy hat. I picked the ridiculous fedora off the shelf and decided I’d start wearing it with my suits for games. She still wore her bird necklace, even while she was with him. I considered that a victory. So I’d wear her hat when I knew I’d be photographed.
Maybe then she’d know how much I still loved her every day. Maybe someday soon, I could figure out a way to win her back.
And never let her go again. Because I only had one more time of trying left in me.
Part 5:
The Return
TALKIE MAGAZINE
EXCLUSIVE REPORT
Talkiehas it on good authority that Kitty Gatto and ClarkSanders have parted ways.
The two met on the setof SNL in 2020, becoming quick sweethearts.
“Their on-stagechemistry bubbled over. Clark was completely smitten. Once he wonKitty over, he thought he was set for life,” afriend of the former couple says. “He was pretty crushedthat Kitty was done.”
Sources say Gatto felt the relationshiphad run its course and was ready for the nextstage in her career.
Another source says Gatto was neverfully invested. “She always kept her options open,” the sourcetold Talkie.
Rumors of a secret marriage and a lovenest in the Hamptons were not able to be confirmed, though the pair were often photographed there.
