My pulse skyrockets and the world tilts on its axis, a missing piece of my heart shifting into place.
“Yeah, I did.”
Because somehow, over days and weeks and months, this thing between us has become so much more than sex. More than friendship. More than I ever could have hoped for.
The realization cuts like a blade.
Fuck that old saying about how it’s better to have loved and lost.
Knowing you had something incredible and lost it? That shit sucks.
“Look, man. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to float it out there,” Vaughn says, stroking his beard. “Are you really mad at Sutton or are you mad at yourself for internalizing all the nasty shit kids said to you growing up? I know you don’t like to talk about it, and I get that, but you let that stuff fester in your head, and it’s bound to mess you up.”
The fuck?
“Thanks, Dr. Phil, but I’m good.” The last thing I need is some B grade armchair psychology. “Notmessed upat all.”
“Says the guy who blew his top without waiting for an explanation from the woman he loves.” Vaughn shrugs. “Sounds totally healthy to me.”
My stomach drops.
“Word of advice?” He claps me on the shoulder. “If you’re focused on the trauma of your past, you’re going to miss out on the joys of your present.”
That sounds like some bullshit Yogi philosophy, but maybe he’s right.
Sutton said I have a blind spot when it comes to my…learning disability.
I hate that fucking label.
I wish I could erase it from my vocabulary, but by the time the world really started to normalize neurodivergence, I’d already been tagged. Picked on.Bullied.
And like Vaughn said, it stuck.
So, yeah, maybe I’m a little sensitive. No one is perfect.
Least of all me.
“I’m no expert,” Vaughn says, squatting to grab his water bottle off the floor. “But your girl was right about one thing.”
I’m starting to think she was right about a lot of things.
I sigh and gesture for him to lay it on me.
It’s not like my shitty mood can get any worse.
“You shouldn’t be too proud to ask for accommodations when you need them. You’ve got one of the highest GPAs on the team.” He twists the top off his Hydro Flask and takes a long drink. “Which, if you think about it, means you should be smart enough to know when you’ve screwed up.”
I stand corrected. My mood can, in fact, get worse.
A dark cloud settles over my thoughts.
Nothing like realizing you’ve internalized your own stigma.
Maybe if I’d realized it sooner, things would have turned out differently. With Sutton. The internship.
“Thanks, big guy. Wanna rub a little salt in my wounds while you’re at it?”
“Not my style.” He takes another hit from his water bottle and screws the top back on. “I’d rather know what you’re going to do about it.”
