He doesn’t even have the courtesy to look me in the eye as he smashes whatever shards are left of my heart.
Well,screwthat.
I stand and walk deliberately to the railing. Then I grab his biceps and spin him around, forcing him to face me.
It’s the least he can do.
“That’s bullshit, and we both know it.” A woman on the next bench shifts to low-key watch us, but I don’t care. Let her look. I’m tired of hiding, of making myself smaller and more palatable just to make other people comfortable. “There isn’t some cosmic force that decides if you get to find love. That’s all on you. You’re the one who won’t let yourself care. The one who won’t let yourself feel. The one who won’t let yourself fall.”
Anger flashes in his eyes, and when he speaks, there’s a frosty edge to his voice I’ve never heard before. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” I cross my arms over my chest, trying to stave off the creeping sense of vulnerability. More people are turning to watch, but I can’t back down. Not now. This conversation is too important. “You vowed to never fall in love. Unless I’ve missed something, it seems pretty straightforward.”
“It’s not that simple.” His eyes drift shut, and he shakes his head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
I take a calming breath, centering myself.
Shouting won’t get me anywhere. I need to be logical. Lay out the facts.
It’s the only chance I have of getting through to him. Of penetrating the walls he’s built around his heart.
“It is that simple, and I do understand.” I touch his arm, gently this time, my fingers lingering on his forearm. “Te amo, Miles. But I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep hoping you’ll change only to get my heart trampled.”
“That’s not— I never meant to hurt you,” he grinds out, the words escaping through clenched teeth. “I’m protecting myself.”
If my heart weren’t already broken, this painful admission would surely do the trick. I hate that he’s experienced so much heartbreak and loss. Hate that he carries it with him today like a goddamn coat of armor. Hate that he can’t see what it’s doing to him. What it’s costing him.
A chance at love. At happiness. At a brighter future than he ever dared imagine.
Because despite his cool demeanor and clipped words, I know Miles cares for me.
I’ve seen it in his eyes. Felt it in his touch. Experienced it through his actions.
For crying out loud, the man faced a rattlesnake for me.
Maybe it’s not love, but perhaps it could be. If only he’d give us a chance.
“In case you haven’t noticed, your attempts at self-preservation suck.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Unless, of course, your goal is to hurt the people who care about you the most.”
Anguish twists his features. “Luce—”
Stay strong.
“No.” I throw up a hand, strengthening my resolve. “You can call it whatever you want, but the subtext is clear enough. I’m not worth the risk.Wearen’t worth the risk.”
The realization cuts like a blade.
No mames.
No child should ever have to experience the things Miles has lived through, but shutting himself off from love isn’t the answer.
That’s a truth he has to learn for himself.
We could rehash this conversation until I’m blue in the face and it still won’t matter. His mind is made up, and my words won’t change a damn thing.
His jaw hardens, and his fists clench at his sides. “This is the way it has to be.”
“If that’s how you feel, then we have nothing more to offer each other.” Just saying it aloud causes my heart rate to spike, but I forge ahead because the alternative is even worse. “I can’t go back to the way things were, when I was invisible and booking dinner dates for other women.”
