I burst into a fit of laughter, then quickly cover my mouth with my hand and pinch my lips shut when I see Gabe’s eyes are narrowed and glaring like lasers at me. Hawk quickly tosses his hands in the air, his coffee cup left abandoned on the counter.
“I tried to warn you. But you insisted, Pres. And again, it was your niece who said it,not me. But if you feel Sadie needs to be reprimanded and punished for her disrespectful words,” Hawk saysdisrespectfulin a mocking tone, and I giggle again. “I’d bemore than happy to see to her punishment.” Hawk grins wide, and his eyes light up with mischief. He drops his hands and nods with conviction. “As a matter of fact, I’m going to go handle that for you right now.” He rubs his hands together, then grabs his cup in hand and stalks off toward his room.
“You think that’s funny?” Gabe growls, reaching for my hand, but I’m quick to jump up from my seat. I know that look. But he hasn’t apologized or said he wants anything more than sex. Hell, this is the first conversation we’ve had since he ignored me all day yesterday, and I think I’m feeling a little petty about it now.
“I wouldn’t say it’s funny, but maybe Sadie has a point,” I state. Then, I pick up my cup and take it to the sink behind the counter and rinse it out. Gabe leans back in his chair, rubbing his thumb along his bottom lip.
Damn, why is that so sexy?
No—fight the pull, Linzie. Make him earn this. He chose to be an ass. Make him come clean about how he feels. If this isn’t just sex to him, he needs to prove it to me.
“What point would that be, exactly?” Gabe asks, watching me with a hunger in his eyes that makes me feel like the lamb being stalked by a wolf. I don’t know why, but my instincts are telling me to put some distance between us, because he looks about ready to pounce. I have no doubt that if he catches me, he’d mount me right here against this counter and wouldn’t give two shits about who saw us. But I’m no exhibitionist, and my son lives here. I won’t ruin the sanctity of the clubhouse for him by seeing his mother getting railed by the president of his club.
“Maybe youdoneed something to loosen you up and help you think straight, since you seem to be undecided as of late.”
“Undecided?” He looks at me puzzled. “What is it you seem to think I’m undecided about?”
“Could be a lot of things. I don’t know what’s been going on with the club.” I put a hand up to stop his rebuttal beforecontinuing. “And I don’t need to know. I’m not a member or an ol’ lady. I’m not sure I’d want to know, to tell you the truth. It's just good that there seems to be a break in the chaos. Enough for Avery and Jake to have a beautiful wedding ceremony as planned. Maybe you’re struggling through this time of year or celebrating Avery’s day without Maggie, which I’m sure is hard. Add on the holidays, and I know what that pain can feel like.” Gabe shakes his head and scoffs.
“I don’t think I’m the one who’s hung up on my past,” he says softly, but there’s a bit of an edge to his tone. Or maybe it’s disappointment I’m hearing.
“What does that mean?”
“Andi told me you struggle through this time of year without Michael. So, maybe it’s not me who’s struggling to move on.”
“What? What are you talking about?” I’m genuinely confused and taken aback at his statement. “I moved on from my relationship with Michael months ago. Do I miss him? Of course I do. We were together for a long time. We had a beautiful son together and so many happy memories. I will always love Michael, and he will always hold a special place in my heart.” Gabe sighs, his shoulders sagging. The predatory look has morphed into one of sadness and hurt. Tears sting the back of my eyes, and my throat begins to close.
“Of course, I get nostalgic during the holidays when I see the kids getting so excited about Santa Claus and little traditions like decorating the tree or stringing popcorn. It brings back fond memories of when Trevor was a young boy. But I let go of Michael a while ago when I started to feel like I could love again.” Gabe’s eyes snap to mine. He seems shocked to hear what I’m saying.
Did he not know? How could he not know how I feel about him?
Because you never actually told him.
Shit. I’m just as much to blame for this mess as he is. But I can’t stop now. He needs to hear what I have to say, then he can make his own decision on where he wants to go from here. I’m going to lay it all out there and tell him the truth, and it will be up to him whether or not we move forward together.
“When I realized I could have another chance at sharing my life with someone else, I spoke to Michael. I went to his grave, and I told him everything I was feeling.” I never told Gabriel I went to visit Michael’s grave. I told Trevor I was going home to Tennessee to see my parents for a weekend to check in on them, but he knew I was going to see his father. I never visit home without seeing Michael before I leave.
When he died, I couldn’t stay where he was buried. It was too hard to have him so close and yet, so far away. Maybe it made me a selfish person to uproot my son and move us away from our hometown, away from family. But the pain of all the memories that place held was too much to bear. I tried. For the first few years after he passed, I tried to live in our little town, with my family close enough to help with Trevor and some of the burdens we faced, but eventually it became too much.
We needed to go somewhere no one knew about the tragic loss we had suffered. Where the first thing people say when they see us isn’t, “Oh, honey. How are you holding up?” We needed a fresh start.
We set out on an adventure to find our new home. When we came upon Oakridge—with its small-town feel, the nice people, the nostalgic buildings—it felt like home. We found a nice little house, and I opened the Blonde Roast. Trevor finished high school and found his love of fixing cars and motorcycles and eventually the club.
Leaning on the counter for support, I look Gabe straight in the eyes when I tell him, “I made peace with my decision to move on. It’s what Michael would’ve wanted for me. It’s what I wantfor myself. I’m not the one who is confused about what I want. The problem is, I don’t think you know what you want. Or maybe you do, and we just don’t want the same things. I don’t know. But when you finally have your thoughts straight, when you’re certain about what it is you want from me, let me know. But Gabe—” I pause, needing him to really hear me. I wait for his nod to go on. He gives it. “I will not wait long. I have a lot of life ahead of me, and I want tolive it. I deserve to live my life, to be happy, and to feel loved. I won’t accept anything less.”
“Linzie. I don’t think?—”
I stop him mid-sentence. “Now isn’t the time to have this discussion. We have a wedding to get ready for. Your daughter is going to need you to be in the right frame of mind to walk her down the aisle. Let’s just put a pin in it for now. Okay?”
I don’t give him a chance to say anything else this morning and take off at almost a sprint for the hallway leading to the room I’m sleeping in. We have a long day ahead of us, and I need to pull myself together.
Looking at Gabe while I poured my heart out and seeing little to no change in his features, hurt. Maybe the best thing for both of us right now is to focus on Avery and her big day and put all our own feelings aside.
CHAPTER 12
GABE
It’s almost time to start the wedding. The guys are all standing around the common room waiting for the women to tell us when to start. They’re all upstairs in the kid’s playroom getting ready, except Andi, Linzie, and Mom, who are shuffling around in the kitchen.
