I didn’t even feel a hitch of sadness when I sent the wedding planner an email telling her to cancel everything and that the wedding was off.
I drove away from him, my life, and a broken future all the way back to here where I had started and where I had run from all those years ago. Maybe that’s who I am, a runner. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be, a woman who runs from everything.
I stare at that ring on my finger as the storm moves closer and lightning flashes across the sky until I can’t take it anymore. As thunder cracks and rumbles, I let it all out and I scream and scream and scream. When my voice is gone and I can’t scream anymore, I push open the car door and walk halfway to the rickety steps to the trailer but my feet come to a stop. I can’t. I can’t go in there yet and face the emptiness, the memories.
The hair lifts on the back of my neck when I hear a horse whinny in the distance from behind me. Goosebumps race across my skin. I know, even before I turn, what I’ll see. I can feel the storm building, getting closer as I turn and face the direction my heart used to live and wait. Lightning flashes and lights up the heavens again and there they are. Outlined on the hill are three men sitting on horses looking my way.
We stare at each other across the distance until the lightning dies and drops us back into darkness. And that’s when I dive back into my car and quickly drive away because I finally feel something. I feel everything and the regret choking me now tastes a lot like fear. I drive back to town to find a room for the night and I swear I can hear that cunt, Fate, laughing in the storm.
Chase
Luke throws tack down hard on the kitchen table, scratching the old wood even more than it already is. I don’t bother looking up from the dredges of my coffee cup.
Even though the sun is just now rising I’m already a full pot in after giving up on even trying to find sleep for most of the night. I doubt any of us got much sleep last night after seeing her standing in front of her dad’s beat-up trailer. We had been out wrangling a few mothers and calves who were too stupid to come in from the storm that was brewing when I saw the headlights flashing down the long driveway to the trailer.
I don’t know why it was a surprise to see her there. We knew she’d come back to handle her daddy’s affairs but it still felt like a mule kick to my gut to see her that close after so long. Ten fucking years without one damn word from her had hardened and withered the place inside me that she used to own, leaving nothing but a thick layer of hurt covered up by anger.
Judging by the scowl on Luke’s face, he feels the same. Rex, well, he passed through the house last night just long enough to snag a bottle of whiskey and then disappeared somewhere back out into the storm.
Luke grunts as he drops into the chair across from me and drags a hand down his face. I lean back in my chair and just wait, knowing it’ll take him a minute to build up to asking. He’s always been slow to speak his thoughts, a product of never quite feeling like he belonged with us. Luke’s time in the Marines burnt away the sweetness he had as a boy and gave him a harder edge but that uncertainty never quite went away, especially when he’s dealing with strong emotions.
He fidgets with the tack he brought in to repair and finally tosses it back down on the table with a deep sigh.
“Do we have to see her? I doubt she’ll be here for long. Can we just…not?”
I rub my mouth to stall, hating her a little bit more for coming back and cracking open his wounds. I curse under my breath before answering him.
“We do, but you don’t have to talk to her. We’ll stand at the back for the service and duck out as soon as it’s over. We have to pay our respects to her daddy, it’s only fitting.”
His brow furrows and I see a glimpse of the sweet, sad boy he used to be but then he gives a sharp nod as his face hardens to the man he’s become. He sweeps the bridle back up before walking out of the house again. I circle the rim of my empty coffee cup with one finger as memories of the aftermath of her leaving pass through my mind.
And then I pick up that mug and throw it at the wall. Fuck her for leaving and fuck her even more for coming back.
I allow myself a few more minutes of brooding before I push to my feet and clean the mess I made. Rain probably won’t be here for more than the few days it’ll take to bury her dad and settle the paperwork but I have a gut feeling she’ll leave a bigger mess behind when she leaves again. A mess I’ll also have to clean up. I scrub my tired face again and scoop up my keys, heading to the door. No point putting it off, she’s here and it’ll be better to face it head-on.
The drive to town is just long enough to give my tired brain time to remember. I don’t let myself think about the sweet times of before, I only focus on the wreckage of the after.
The day Rex finally accepted that she was gone and not coming back. How he slipped away in the night with only a brief note to say goodbye. The years of abuse he put his body through in the reckless pursuit to drown the pain of losing her. And how he only came back when his body couldn’t take the beatings anymore. The way he self-medicates now with the bottle and blunts.
I remember driving Luke to the bus after he enlisted to get away from the memories of her that haunt us everywhere we look and all the nights I laid awake terrified he wouldn’t make it home. Always afraid he’d take a bullet or a bomb in some arid desert country we had no business being in. I remember the sheer relief of him finally coming home for good after his last deployment and then the despair of seeing the haunted look in his eyes that never quite goes away.
I remember being the last one left on the ranch. Trying every day to please that bastard until we almost came to blows and I finally left myself. The loneliness of endless nights cramming knowledge into my brain at university and then law school until I passed the bar and then the call that brought me back to take over the ranch. And every damn day of it feeling like half of my soul was missing with everyone I loved gone.
I pull my truck up in front of the diner and tilt my head back looking for a little peace from my thoughts for a few minutes but finally give up and drag both my hands through my hair before getting out and heading inside for my breakfast.
Dolly, the owner, nods her good morning as she reaches for the coffee pot, Clint, her husband and fry cook lifts a hand in greeting through the food window. I settle into my regular booth at the back of the diner and flip the old chipped coffee mug over just as Dolly reaches me to pour.
“Mornin’, darlin’. Clint will have your regular out in no time. Give a holler when you want a top off.”
I shoot her a wink as she sways back to the counter, the pink polyester fabric of her uniform strained by her ample curves and her big brown touched by silver curls locked on top of her head by a cloud of Aqua Net. I can never smell its scent without thinking of Dolly and smiling.
By the time I’m through with my meal, the diner is full-up with patrons. I’ve kept my head down since I sat, in no state of mind for casual chit chat but the next time the chimes ring out over the door, a hush seems to settle over the crowd. I know she’s walked in before I even lift my head.
My stomach churns and my skin feels too tight before my eyes even land on her back where she is waiting at the counter as Dolly fills a to-go cup. My knuckles whiten around the edge of the table and even though I told Luke we didn’t have to talk to her, my feet decide otherwise. I scan the sleek, smooth fall of blond hair I used to love to touch when it was wild with waves and the classy linen skirt that does nothing to hide her mouth-watering curves. I move up right behind her and hear her gasp under her breath, “That son of a bitch.”
And it makes me smirk until I look over her shoulder and spot the ring of dark bruises around her wrist as she holds out her bank card and the flashy oversized rock resting on her finger. Then I just feel rage.
Rain
