I swallow against the ache in my throat and pull his face against my chest, arms wrapped around him.
“God, I’m sorry, Luke. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
His hands pull me back until we can face each other again.
“You never have to say you’re sorry to me. Ever.”
I feel tears welling so I give him a small smile and pull away. He stands and drags on his clothes and moves to the window, causing me to snort out a laugh.
“Luke!”
He glances back at me with a raised brow and I laugh again and point at the bedroom door.
“You don’t have to sneak out. Use the front door!”
A sheepish smile crosses his face and he turns away from the window and follows me out of the room. I head for the kitchen to make coffee but a sharp knock has me changing directions to the front door. I pull it open to find Rex standing there looking like a fucking wet dream. Those ocean eyes of his do a slow scan of my bare legs and messy bed head and the blatant lust in his expression is like a sexual kick to my already over-sensitive core. Fuck me, what is it about guys and backward baseball caps that just scream ‘Get that head between my legs’?
A slow smirk crosses his pouty lips like he can read my mind.
“Morning, pretty girl. You look good enough to eat, all soft, sleepy, and fresh out of bed. But I’ll settle for you eating this.” He holds a tinfoil-covered plate out to me and I take it without thinking. “I made you your favorite cinnamon and raisin French toast with a side of extra bacon.”
I stare down at the plate and something sours in my belly as he spots Luke behind me.
“Hey, man. Let’s go. Chase is waiting. We’re headed to Beaufort for the cattle auction.”
Luke edges past me and drops a kiss on my temple then trots down the stairs and over to Rex’s truck. Rex uses a finger to lift my chin and hits me with another smirk then leans in to kiss my forehead.
“Have a great day, Stormy.”
I stand there like an idiot holding the plate as he hops into the truck and backs out of my driveway. Chase lifts a hand through the passenger window as they go but I make no move to return it. Only once the dust has settled back to the dirt driveway do I back into the house and shut the door. I carry the plate into the kitchen, step on the pedal on the bottom of the garbage can to open the lid and tilt the plate to dump the contents. At the last second I tilt the plate back up because well…bacon… and instead drop it noisily on the counter. I’m scowling as I get the coffee set up and turned on and stomping as I make my way down the hall to the bathroom to shower.
I stand under the spray and steam more than the hot water does. Is this actually happening? Are we really just going to fall right back into our old pattern? How long will it be until one of them pushes me to choose between them and is that even something I want?
The first part of my life was all about being the Kingston boys’ girl. It was like I wasn’t even a separate entity. Rain Rawlins? Oh yeah, she’s the Kingston boys’ girl. When I left, I had no idea who I was without them and that caused me to try and fit myself into a mold of what others wanted of me. I worked to conform in the city. Changed my style, changed my accent, change my views all to try and fit…somewhere. Then I took it a step further and let Jason change me even more to fit his ideas, his standards and be what he wanted. And now I have no fucking clue who I am and what I want except a deep desire to be…me.
I swipe the steamy film away from the mirror and just stare at my reflection, searching for what…me…is. I run my fingers through the long, damp, wavy mess of my hair and frown when Jason’s voice runs through my head.
“It looks messy like that, Rain. You should straighten it. It’s a classier look.”
“Don’t wear that. It looks trashy and cheap. Wear the dress I bought you. It’s a better look for our brand.”
“Only one bite of that cake oryou’ll have to double your gym time.”
His words come faster now.
“Don’t laugh so loud. Don’t swear like that. Don’t be YOU!”
And then I hear Lannister Kingston’s voice closely followed by Chase’s.
“You want to play the whore for the Kingston men? You were just going to play the whore for us?”
Rage - so, so much rage fills me and when it clears, I see a sink full of hair that I’ve cut from just above my shoulders. A feeling of euphoria rushes through me and I whoop in surprised excitement. My wide smile and the feeling lasts for all of four point five seconds and then my eyes go huge and round and I’m diving out of the bathroom to race to my room to find my phone in a panic. I practically break a finger as I stab the YouTube icon. My fingers fly across the keyboard searching for tutorials on how to cut a proper bob haircut. The fan blows cool air at the back of my neck and I let out a deranged laugh at how light my head feels now that I’m missing over half of my hair.
I watch seven videos on cutting different lengths, layers, and bangs until I find the one I think will best suit the mangled mess I’ve already made of my hair and race back into the bathroom with determination. I can do this! Starting, pausing, and starting the video every thirty seconds I snip, comb, and snip again until a shape starts to form from the blunt rage cut I gave myself.
I comb my fingers through it and then give it a shake, liking how the ends swing just under my chin and frame my face and then dig out my hairdryer and attach a diffuser to it. I flip my head and start scrunching in the heat that blasts out. Fuck Jason and overpriced straighteners. God gave me waves and a good hairdryer and technique will amp them up.
When I finally flip my hair back and stand up straight it’s with a wide grin on my face. Short hair? Don’t…fucking…care! I love it. It’s not a look I’ve ever had before and it makes me feel sassy and confident. The look is only missing one more thing so I race back to my bedroom and dig around in my old desk searching through old hairclips and makeup until I find the tube of lipstick that didn’t work on seventeen-year-old me but nails my current mood. Fuck me red slicks onto my lips and I blow myself a kiss with a happy laugh.
