Her jaw tightens. “I don’t know what you want from me, Zander. I have to get this done for Ben and Gillian. I know you’re used to things revolving around you, but this time, it doesn’t.” She bends to get more flowers to attach.
“Goddamn it. Do you think I want her? You think I’d rather roll around on a blanket with her than you?”
With glassy eyes, she whispers, “Just let it go.”
My patience snaps, and everything I’m holding in feels primed to break through. “Christ, Romy, don’t you get it?”
She whips around and throws her arms in the air. “What am I supposed to get, Zander?”
“That I fucking want you. That I made a huge mistake ghosting you. I only did it because… fuck, Romy, you scare me. You scare the shit out of me.” My voice raises, and I hate myself for allowing my emotions to be so uncontrolled.
She steps off the stool to square off with me. “And what, you think I’m not scared? You think I’m such a believer in true love and fate and kismet that what I felt when I was with you didn’t scare me? It did, Zander. I signed your stupid NDA. I hid us from my family. I did that because I believed in us and what I felt. Maybe some people would say I was naïve, but they weren’t on that bus with you. You’re the one who didn’t believe in us. Who still doesn’t believe in us.”
Chest tight, I inch closer. “I was an idiot.”
“Yeah, you were.”
I take the flower in her hand and drop it in the bucket of water. “And now? What do you want?”
She scoffs. “God, if you think I’m going to say it, you’re a fool.”
“Come on, Romy. Trust me. I swear you can trust me.”
She crosses her arms, cheeks red. “You first.”
I blow out a breath. “Fine. You were the first woman I ever thought about having more with, and it scared the shit out of me. I’ve never felt deserving of love like that. Never thought I would know how to hold onto it. So, I pushed you away. I told DeSoto not to let you through. I figured you’d go away, forget about me and find the right guy, settle here, and have kids. Live happily ever after.”
“Why do you think you know more than me? Don’t you see the problem with that?”
“What’s the problem?”
“I don’t want anybody else.”
Her words send a rush of adrenaline through my veins, and I can’t get her in my arms fast enough.
I lean forward to kiss her, but she places her finger on my lips. “But, Zander, I can’t be your toy. You can’t play with me when you want and set me on the shelf when you’re done and think I’ll be there the next time you’re interested.” She places her hands on either side of my face. “I know you struggle with your demons, but I want to be the one who proves to you that you’re worthy of love. But in order to do that, you have to promise not to run off or push away when you’re feeling overwhelmed. If you can’t do that, this won’t work.”
I stare into her brown eyes, eyes that haunted me the entire time we were apart.
“Goddamn it, you’re not a toy, Romy.” I grip her waist tighter. “You’re everything. I’m trying my hardest to tell myself I deserve you. I want you. I want us. I want to try. But I don’t know how to be a boyfriend. I don’t know how to be?—”
“Well, you’re not going to learn by pushing everyone away, Zander. Letting me in is your first lesson. You have to try.” Her hands don’t leave me, and her eyes don’t waver. “I need you to promise before I can even entertain this.”
I swallow past the baseball-sized lump in my throat. She’s right. I know she is. And even though the ghosts of my past are trying to scare me off, I’ll try. “For you, I promise, I’ll try. Only ever for you.”
“Okay,” she says as if I just asked her to go for coffee.
“Can I kiss you?” I inch closer.
“You sure as hell better.”
“Fuck, Romy, c’mere.” I wrap my arms around her waist and tug her to me, my lips crashing to hers.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Romy
Our plan was simple.
