I glance up at him, and he looks down at me. This is so awkward.
“Up to you,” he says.
“Just stay north of the border.” I motion for him to move a little more toward my head.
“Deal.” He stays by my head while she wheels between my legs.
After she does the exam, she wheels back out.
“Everything looks great. Okay, I’m going to do the ultrasound. Are you ready?” She turns on the machine in the corner. “It’ll be a transvaginal one, not over the stomach. Still too early for that.” She stands up, takes off her gloves, and washes her hands again.
“Okay.”
“Zander, can you turn down the lights a little bit?”
He does, and the monitor screen glows. This is the moment I’m going to see my baby. Layers of anxiety stack inside me like bricks.
“Have you ever had one of these before, Romy?” she asks.
“No, I haven’t.” I eye the dildo-looking wand.
“That’s for the ultrasound?” Zander asks, his gaze shifting from her to me.
“Yes.” She squirts lube on it.
I remember Briar telling me a story about Emmett when he accompanied her to one of her OBGYN appointments and how lost he was.
Zander watches every move she makes, awe on his face, as she slides it inside me and turns toward the screen. All I see is a big black dot.
“I don’t see the baby. There’s no baby. You said she was pregnant.” There’s an edge of panic in Zander’s voice as he squints at the screen.
Dr. Rojas points at a spot on the screen. “You see this little white dot here? The one that’s kind of flickering? That’s your baby.”
“That’s our baby?” Zander asks, surprise in his tone.
“Did you think it just grew the head and hands automatically? It’s a process.” I give him an amused smile.
“I get that it’s a process, but it looks like a pea. That poster said it should look like a kidney bean at eight weeks. But that’s a pea. Is there something wrong?”
“The baby is the size of a raspberry right now. If you want, I can send you home with a pamphlet and recommend some books.”
“Yeah, I’ve already got some books on my phone I’ve been checking out. I trust you. If you say that’s the baby, that’s the baby.” Zander doesn’t remove his gaze from the screen.
But then, the heartbeat rings out in the room.
“Oh my god.” My eyes widen, and Dr. Rojas gives me a small nod and smile.
Zander freezes, his gaze shooting to mine. Unbidden, tears flow down my cheeks.
“Heartbeat is strong. That little raspberry is doing great.” Dr. Rojas takes some pictures with the machine while Zander and I look at each other.
“Holy shit,” Zander whispers, gripping my hand tighter. “Goddamn… fuck.” He pauses. “Crap. I’ve got to clean up my language. I can’t have our baby’s first word be fuck.” He looks at me with conviction. “I promise you, Romy. It’s not going to come out saying fuck.”
I giggle. “I hope not.”
We return our attention to the screen, listening to the heartbeat in awe. This all just got a whole lot more real.
Chapter Twenty-One
