I walk into my office and put away my purse. “No, I haven’t. I’m fine.” I round my desk to go back out to the main part of the building.
“They’ve been here since right after breakfast. Zander asked me if I could let him in. He didn’t want to bother you, and they wanted to start doing some of the lighting.”
“Okay. Thanks, Mom.”
Why she’s being so informative, I’m not sure. It’s not as if I would take offense that she let them in.
She heads to the storage room. I forgot she has a key for that too. I’d feel much calmer if she was at The Getaway Lodge, being social with everyone eating breakfast. I’m already strung tight knowing the conversation I have to have today.
In the venue area, Zander is still on the ladder, and they’re talking about the lighting and some other things. I watch him from the archway and realize this announcement I’m about to make will change everything. It’ll change the world as he knows it, and the weight of that settles on my shoulders like hundred-pound bricks.
Then again, maybe that’s not the case. Maybe he’ll want nothing to do with our child. But even if he walks away, continuing to chase stardom and leaving this baby behind, he’ll still know a piece of him is out there. He could come back into our lives at any time, without warning. And with his resources, is that something I should be wary of? Will I always be worried about him returning?
I could push for papers, force something official, but god, I don’t want to think about that. I’m not asking for forever with Zander. I know he doesn’t want that, not with me anyway. But still… he deserves to know. I saw what finding out he had a child he didn’t know about did to my brother, and I can’t do that to Zander. Whatever happens needs to be his decision.
He climbs down the ladder, catches me watching from across the room, and smiles that damn half smile that makes my heart flop. It makes me shiver, makes me think that he was lying when he pushed me away. That there is something between us, and I wasn’t a fool to believe I was becoming important to him. But if he can’t admit it, I sure as hell am not going to push it. We have enough to figure out without bringing us into it.
Zander crosses the room, and whoever else was with him—somebody from the crew—takes over his spot on the ladder. He stops right in front of me.
Okay, hormones, calm the fuck down.
“Hey,” he says. “Did you sleep in this morning?”
“Yes… no.” I didn’t sleep in. I’ve barely slept since I found out I’m pregnant. It’s probably why there are dark circles and bags under my eyes every morning. “No, I just had some things to catch up on.”
It’s a lie he seems to believe. Because why wouldn’t he? He has no idea the torment that’s been in my head since that positive pregnancy test.
“All right,” he says. “I was wondering if we could go down to The Perfect Petal and pick out some flowers. Do you think they’d have any availability to talk to us today? Maybe even walk through the greenhouse, get some suggestions?”
I nod absentmindedly. “Sure. Yeah, we can do that. Of course. They’ll make time for us. Did you have an idea of what you were thinking?”
“I don’t know anything about flowers, so you should definitely be the leader on this one.”
“Okay. All right, we’ll make—I’ll call Poppy and see.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
I go back to my office to call Poppy to figure out if she or Delaney have time for us today. They’ll definitely have better ideas than me if he wants something unique and special.
His footsteps fall behind me as I make my way down the hall. My mom comes out of the storage area and eyes Zander behind me.
“Oh my god, you two. I love the arch you picked out the other day,” she says. “I can’t wait. I loved it when it was used in that one wedding.” She snaps her fingers. “Remember, Romy, that one where the bride was pregnant?”
My stomach lurches. “Um… vaguely.”
“Sure, you do.” She puts her hand on my arm and squeezes, then turns her attention to Zander. “The groom was drunk the entire time and threw up all over the balcony. Uncle Wade was going to…” She eyes Zander and stops talking. “Well, anyway, seemed like such a waste for such a great piece. They didn’t make it two months. Sad.”
“Doesn’t sound like the best premonition for the project,” he says.
My mom cringes. “But it’s just a music video. Not like real life, you know?”
“Okay, Mom,” I say. “I need to go make a phone call.”
“Oh, to who?”
Thankfully I dodge her before we get the lecture about signs and fate and kismet. She’s where I learned to believe in fairytales. What a disappointment that turned out to be.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, annoyed now from that story about another couple that got pregnant before their wedding and then divorced. She just squashed that pea-sized amount of hope I had that maybe there could be a chance Zander and I could raise this baby together. I need to exorcise that delusional, romantic side of myself.
