“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“No, really. Tell me, Romy. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why do you sound like someone stole your puppy?”
I sigh. Loudly enough that I’m sure she hears it. “I don’t know. I just… I miss the ranch. I miss the family. And you know, we’re trying to keep the baby a secret—keep it out of the press—so most of my time is spent in a hotel bed waiting for Zander to come back.”
My throat knots. I don’t even want to loosen it. I’m finally opening up, and it feels good to admit to someone that this life isn’t all that. Zander refuses to entertain people because of his fear that the paps will get information and that things will get worse for me and my family at the ranch.
“Have you talked to Zander about it?”
“A little. I don’t want to ruin… this is what he wants. And being apart wasn’t an option. I’ll take the few hours I get with him a day, rather than not seeing him for a month at a time.”
“I get it… but still. I mean, Romy, this doesn’t seem very fair either.”
I trust Lottie. She’s my sister, but I don’t want to waste our time talking about something I don’t see changing anytime soon. “Anyway. Tell me what’s going on—how are the family dinners? Anything interesting happening there?”
“Oh my god,” Lottie says, letting me change the subject.
She knows there’s no changing what I’m going through. I’m not miraculously going to pop this baby out and be public-ready. I have no idea when Zander will feel safe telling anybody that I’m pregnant. And I haven’t really broached the subject because he seems so busy and stressed with all the interviews.
“Well… let’s see. Everybody’s asking about you. Wren and Leia can’t stop begging me to FaceTime you at every dinner. They keep saying Auntie Romy owes them souvenirs, so I hope you have a big duffel bag of things you’ve collected from all the places you’ve been to.”
“Oh my god, I haven’t bought them a thing,” I admit.
She laughs. “It’s fine. Just buy them something sparkly, and they’ll be happy. You know Bennett and Delaney won’t want you to spoil them anyway.”
“I know. But still…”
She tells me how big Daisy is getting and how Emmett and Briar are exhausted from chasing after Colter because he’s such a busy boy. For a moment, I can pretend we’re still back on the ranch, on the couch and talking face-to-face.
We chat for a little longer, and it fills up a small space in the empty hole that is me missing home.
“Well, I guess I should let you go—” I say.
“Yeah, I gotta run anyway. There’re a bunch of customers and stuff. But you are gonna come home soon, right, Romy?”
“Yeah, yeah. We’re due home in… I think a couple weeks or so. And once we get closer to delivery, you know I have to be home. So, I’ll be there for a while.”
We’re both quiet for a moment.
“I miss you,” Lottie says.
“I miss you too. I miss everybody. Please tell them I said hi and that I’ll be back soon.” My voice comes out wobbly.
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you.”
We hang up, and the quiet of the room rushes in too fast. I toss my phone on the bed and feel as if my whole world has shrunk to four beige walls.
I could send someone to grab gifts for the girls—Beau or DeSoto—but the thought of either of them trying to pick out something for two eight-year-old girls who mean so much to me but they barely know? I can see them coming back with coffee mugs. Besides, I don’t want to pass off a gift to my nieces that I didn’t personally pick out for them.
I get up off the bed, walk over to the window to pull the curtains to the side, and open them. God, I want to be out there on those streets.
I check the time. Zander isn’t due back for at least two hours. I can definitely slip out, and he wouldn’t even know.
