“Does this mean you and Holt are dating now?” London asks, sitting forward in her spot on the couch, her elbows resting on her knees. “Are you planning on seeing him again?”
I shake my head, my reflexes kicking in. “No. I don’t think so. You know I don’t date.”
“But you dated Adam,” London persists, hope lighting her up. “Maybe Holt is different.”
“I don’t think so,” I mutter too quietly. “Heasked me to go out with him again, but only because of the publicity it’s given him ever since the lawsuit went public. Apparently, me being seen with him improves his image and serves as a distraction.”
I tell them how all eyes were on us at the restaurant all night, and how Holt proposed the idea of fake dating me. I leave out the part where, after he’d received a text, he’d rushed us out of there only to finger fuck me in the elevator, or how I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
The fact that I haven’t and that I’m wishing we’d gone further is terrifying.
“His publicist is probably encouraging it.” Julianna leans back on one of her hands, crossing one leg over the other. “Treena’s number one job is damage control, so it doesn’t surprise me. But also, it wouldn’t be out of character for Holt to go along with this. The man never dates seriously. Ever.”
A tiny bit of disappointment stabs my chest, right in the center. I already knew this about Holt. None of this information is new. But for some reason, it’s as if I’m hearing this all for the very first time.
“What are you thinking?” London asks, sensing my retreat from the conversation.
I never opened up to London about my belief that dating and love were never for me, but I can tell she already knows with one single look. We may not share the same blood, but it’s never mattered. London can know exactly what I’m thinking and feeling without me ever needing to speak it into existence. Words are never needed when it comes to us.
“I don’t know.”Lie.“I guess it doesn’t really matter to me whether Holt would date me for fake reasons or not.”Another lie.
Memories of Holt’s voice in my ear, telling me he wants to fake date me for show, ring in my ears. His words said one thing, his hands another.
My neck heats at the thought. I shake my head and wrap my hand over the heat under my straightened hair.
“Well, whatever you decide, I don’t see the harm in going through with it,” Julianna points out, straightening her back. “If he wants to date you for show, and you have no intentions of dating seriously, then it might work out. No feelings involved for either of you. Less messy, right?”
“Yeah.” I blink, shaking my head and agreeing, shoving the feeling down in the places I’ve created to protect myself. “You’re right.” I chew on my bottom lip and nod.
I’m on a roll with these lies. Am I trying to convince my best friends or myself?
The problem is that feelings are already involved. Julianna and the girls think we had a simple dinner date; they don’t know the details of how we took it a step further. They don’t know how I’ve been haunted by the memory of his teeth sinking into the flesh of my ear and his fingers blazing down around my hips. They don’t know how I’ve fantasized about how it felt to have my ass grind against his full, hardened cock.
“I changed my mind.” Julianna bounces to her feet. “Let’s go out tonight.”
The dramatic pendulum swing from Julianna’s confession to mine has caused a dark cloud to hang over our signature girls’ night. One the four of us have prided ourselves in keeping up over these past few months. They’re an escape. A chance for us to share in everything. We’re sisters. Family.
Now, though, it seems Julianna’s managed to change that by a simple clap of her hands and a grin I haven’t seen her crack all night.
“Are you sure?” Charleigh asks, looking around. “We figured we’d check out that new movie on Netflix. We were okay with stayingin.”
London nods her agreement, but Julianna is quick to wave them off.
She spins to pick up her half-finished drink. She takes a sip, swallows, then says, “No, I think a night out is exactly what we need. I’m tired of throwing myself a pity party. It’s depressing. Plus, if I sit around here all I’ll do is lose my mind over this shit with Rome.” Julianna turns to me. “Right, Selene?”
I surprise myself by saying, “Yeah, I definitely think we should go out.”
Both London and Charleigh’s eyebrows rise so high I think they might fly off their foreheads. My sudden agreement has them shocked.
Join the club.
But staying here will only make me think of Holt. I’d rather spend the night with my girls, dancing my ass off than sit in the dark, pretending to watch a movie, when the only one I’ll be paying attention to is the one of Holt playing over and over in my mind.
Maybe going out will get him out of my system.
“Okay.” Charleigh chuckles, pinching her sweatpants. “But we’re not exactly dressed for a night out.”
“Oh.” Julianna moves around the table and picks up the dozen shopping bags she brought in. She holds them up. “Problem solved.”
