But the boys were due back late last night after a long travel week. So, I’m claiming today as a break for Mommy before I lose my mind.
four
Tedi
Addison cries through the monitor,and I place my head in my hands. I literally cannot do this again.
I’m either feeding or sleeping. Or listening to my daughter cry.
My trash can overflows with takeout containers, which feels like a mom fail because I’m never cooking anything.
Then the fucking game was postponed.
I was hanging on by the thinnest thread when Tweetie called me last night to say he wouldn’t be home. I tried to keep the exhaustion out of my voice and sound upbeat, but he knows me too well. And the guilt he feels for leaving this all on me makes me feel bad since he’s out there providing a life for us. Him continuing to play was a mutual decision we made.
He’s texted me so many times today. Before and after his warm-up skate. On his way back to the hotel. Probably again when he wakes up from his nap.
My phone vibrates, but I ignore it, going upstairs.
I pick up Addison and hold her, trying to soothe her with the pacifier. Thankfully, she takes it, and I sit in the rocker, forcingmy eyes to stay open so I don’t drop her and really fail at my role of mother.
I almost have her asleep when I hear our front door open.
Who could that be?
Tweetie is definitely still in Boston because he just messaged and told me he was grabbing lunch, since they are an hour ahead, and then chilling. He really means taking a nap. A glorious, quiet, uninterrupted nap that he knows I’ll be jealous of, so he doesn’t want to tell me.
I rise from the rocker and walk out of the room, hearing a voice whispering my name.
What the hell?
They clearly know my name and the code to get into my house, so it can only be one of our closest friends.
I tiptoe down the stairs and don’t see anyone.
Our Christmas tree sits in the front window. The day after Thanksgiving, Tweetie watched Addison while I decked the house in Christmas decorations, which I’m starting to think was my last day of not having a baby latched to my breast for life.
I hit the bottom of the stairs and hear my name whispered again. I’m pretty sure I recognize it, so when Eloise comes out of the back room, I don’t scream.
But she jolts back, her hand covering her heart. “Jesus!”
I giggle, trying not to let my chest vibrate and wake the baby.
She stares at me for a moment, and I see myself through her eyes, see the pity in them. She holds out her arms, and I hand over Addison, who coos at her and nuzzles closer. I’m sure Eloise is calmer than me.
“You’re really not supposed to use the code unless you’re watering my plants and I’m on vacay.” I go into the kitchen to make another cup of coffee.
“Answer your phone then,” she says, not sitting down.
“I’m raising a human, and it appears that’s going to be my entire life until she turns eighteen.”
She laughs, and Addison doesn’t even stir.
“It’s not funny. Why don’t people tell you about this? I’m just a feeding machine. It’s like I’m shackled to my house.”
She laughs again and starts up the stairs.
“Where are you going?” I turn away from my pod coffee brewer.
