She walked over, and I helped fix her outfit. We went into the bathroom where we both did our hair. I made breakfast and set her cereal in front of her.
“We are going to stop at Grandpa’s before we go to the park.”
Ilsa paused for a moment, her eyes looking worried. “Are we going to be there all day?”
The fact that Ilsa even knew what that meant made my heart ache. Every time my father called me there and said it was going to be short, it never was. I could see her little eyes growing worried that the day was going to be ruined.
I shook my head at her. “No, we are going to be there for a little while, and then we will sneak out. Promise.”
Ilsa giggled for a moment before turning back to her breakfast. I smiled, brushing a hand over her hair.
We finished getting ready and headed over to my father’s house. I parked my car on the side of the road before helping Ilsa out. I stared at my childhood, feeling my stomach dip. My father lived in a luxurious house with four bedrooms and two baths. It had updated flooring and bright lights. It was the lap of luxury, but I knew better than to say anything about my life and compare it to his.
We headed inside, where Ilsa took off her shoes. My father was standing by the stairs, already waiting for me. He was a tall man who used to be bulky. Age had taken most of his muscle, but not his harsh edges or strict viewpoint. My father was not a soft, gooey person. I always felt like a weight fell on me when I was in his presence. I wanted to please my father, but knew deep down I wouldn’t. There would be something wrong.
His eyes softly glance at Ilsa before looking at me, returning to their normal coldness. “You made it on time.”
I frowned. “What are we doing here, Dad?”
Ilsa walked up the stairs, stopping next to him. “Can I go outside?” Ilsa asked, her eyes glued on the toys outside. My father nodded, and Ilsa ran off.
I walked up the stairs, but only made it up a few before his voice shifted. “I found you a husband.”
I stopped, my eyes growing wide as his words soaked in. I blinked, feeling like I’d been hit as I stood there.
“Wha…wh…what?”
“It’s been three years, Jade. It’s improper to be unmarried with a child.”
I felt my mouth drop open as he turned and walked into the kitchen. He acted like he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on me. I moved quickly following him. “But…I’m just…I…you…”
“He’s a new business college, and he’s looking for a wife. He’s a little older, so I know he will treat Ilsa well.”
I stood frozen. “And what about me?”
“Your needs stopped when you opened your legs.”
My mouth shut, and I bit hard on my cheek. As much as my father loved Ilsa, he was quick to point out how I got her, how I had given up my dignity and dirtied myself for a moment.
“Honestly, Jade. You have had three years to pick up the pieces of your life, and you haven’t. I’m tired of thinking about how she lives.”
“You could help,” I snapped back, knowing it was a bad idea. My father didn’t offer handouts.
“I didn’t make her. I made you. I raise you. I gave you a good life, and you destroyed her life by not doing the same. She deserves better, Jade.”
I knew Ilsa deserved better. She deserved a mother who could spend more time with her. She deserved to have nicer meals and not to watch TV when I needed to cry. She didn’t deserve to be my glue, holding me together.
“I’m doing my best,” I said softly.
“And your best isn’t good enough,” he snapped. “You will marry, and you will keep your head down. You will do what’s best for her.”
I wanted to bark back that he was using us. He was using my child and me to better his life, but not sharing any of that with us. He paraded Ilsa around like a god and kept me in the dark. But used me for his benefit.
I felt tears bloom, and I knew better than to let them show. He would only get angry that I was being emotional. That being emotional is how I got here. If I had kept a cool head, maybe I would have accomplished more.
I looked away, staring at Ilsa outside. I had no say in this. I would have no choice but to follow through.
Just then, I heard the front door open. My entire body tensed up, thinking he’d invited this man over. But my father’s confused face told me it wasn’t that.
