I arrived at the small daycare that was run by bitchy women, but they took care of the kids, and the price was reasonable. As long as Ilsa was taken care of, I didn’t care if they didn’t like me.
I went inside and spotted Ilsa sitting at the kids’ table playing with blocks. I softly smile, taking her in. She had light brown hair that I had pinned back. She had bangs that sat just above her eyes. Her light honey colored eyes.
She was wearing a strawberry dress that she just had to have when we were out shopping a couple of months ago. She cried when I told her no, so I bought it and put back the socks that I had needed. I could wear socks with holes for a couple more weeks.
“Ilsa, your mother is here,” Fiano spoke up from the counter. She offered me a smile that didn’t meet her eyes. “You’re on time today.”
I slowly nodded, ducking my eyes down to the ground. I chewed on my cheek for a moment before Ilsa wrapped her arms around my leg, giving me a big grin. “Mommy.”
I felt my heart skip a beat as I stared at her. She was a blessing to me. The only real joy in my life. I would do anything to keep that smile on her face.
I bent down, pulling her into my arms. Her fingers wrapped around me as she clung to me. “How was your day?” I asked.
She beamed. “It was good…we painted.”
“Oh yeah?” I said, as I turned, grabbing her backpack from her cubby.
“Yeah, it’s drying though.”
“Well, you can show me on Monday then.” I looked over at Fiano, who dismissively waved at me. We slipped out and headed to the car.
“Are we going to the park tomorrow? And then you said we could go to the swimming pool.”
My stomach dipped at the thought of all the paperwork that sat in the front seat. I forced a smile, though. “Of course. We’re going to do so much tomorrow.”
“No work?” she asked, her eyes looking at me with worry.
I shook my head. “No work.”
She smiled as I buckled her into the car. As we drove home, I turned on her favorite music and let her sing along. Ilsa bounced in her car seat, singing and waving her hands as she did.
As we got home, I unbuckled her and grabbed my bag from the car. I held her hand as we headed to our front door. Welived in a small apartment complex. It wasn’t a huge space, but it was our own, and I could afford it.
I unlocked the front door, and we slipped into the hallway. Ilsa bounced down the hallway, still humming the music from the car. I smiled as I unlocked our front door and pushed it open. I clicked the light on, and Ilsa walked inside. She slipped her shoes off, knowing to put them on the shoe rack. She moved, sliding into the small living room that consisted of a small couch and our dingy TV. She grabbed the remote, flicking the TV on to a show she liked. I locked the front door and turned on the kitchen light. I frowned, remembering I hadn’t cleaned up from dinner last night.
Our kitchen was small, with a sink that leaked occasionally and a stove with only three working burners. The landlord always told me he was going to get me something new, but then somehow forgot every time I asked.
I opened the fridge, pulling out the chicken we were going to have for dinner. I glanced over toward Ilsa as she sat on the couch. Her eyes were glued to the TV. I softly smiled.
I constantly questioned whether I was doing the right thing and if the steps I had taken were correct. But looking at her, I knew I was doing okay. She was well-fed, happy, and a well-behaved kid. It was better than some children at the day care.
I cooked dinner, and we ate on our small dining set that was pressed against the back of the couch. Ilsa told me about her day. She played in the playground, and then they painted before lunch. They had reading time, and she even got to help Fiano with stuff around the classroom.
Ilsa yawned, and I glanced at my phone, checking the time. It was a few minutes past seven. I smiled at her. “Sweetie,it’s bedtime. Why don’t you go change into your pajamas, and I’ll come read you a book?”
She nodded her head, the day’s events starting to catch up to her. I cleaned up the kitchen and put the leftovers away before going to her bedroom. Ilsa’s room was small with a kid’s bed pressed against the corner. She had a smiley face rug and a small container of Barbies sitting in the opposite corner. There was a small lamp sitting next to her bed that we kept on as a night light.
I walked over, pulled her book up, and read her a chapter. I watched her eyes grow heavy as I read, before she fell asleep. I kissed her forehead before slipping out of the room.
I walked back into the living room, suddenly feeling like such a shitty mother. It was like a hand grabbing at me and wrapping its fingers around my mind. It wasn’t like this was the life I had thought I would be choosing.
Three years ago, my world was so different. I was just deciding which college I wanted to attend and what I wanted to do with my life.
That night fogged my head, bringing back memories I tried hard to suppress. It was like any other day, but I ended up sleeping with Brandon by the end of it. Brandon, the future Alpha that everyone thought was so sweet. The man who took my virginity and then left me in the dust.
I thought of that night, how he sweet-talked me, his lips soft against my skin as he pulled at my dress. I had been high on that feeling. I felt like the prettiest woman in the world. Brandon, the man every girl in our school wanted, was kissing me. He was pulling at my clothes, his cock hard against my thigh.
I remember him pulling me into my bedroom and falling onto my bed. Brandon had been sweet, kissing every part of my body. He had filled me, and I remember my nails scratching down his back.
