“I think he’s wasting his time on that when there are other important things to take care of. The woman belongs in the house, not learning how to fight.”
I swallowed, my hunger long gone. I looked at Ilsa, who was eating her food happily, but I could tell she was going to ask me questions later. She would ask what a sibling was and why Grandpa asked me so many questions.
“Honestly, if he keeps this up, pretty soon the women are going to think they can do everything the men can do. We all know that men are stronger and faster. There is no point in giving them false hope.”
These were words that I had heard so many times. You need to focus on learning to cook rather than studying. What’s the point of trying to go to school when you are going to be a wife and a mother? He always downgraded everything I wanted to do. When I talked about college, he stated that he wouldn’t be helping to pay for it. He wanted me to focus on getting married and having children because that was what I was made for.
But I still managed to screw that up. Instead, I’d just let myself be fooled and was never going to be wanted because I’d had a child out of wedlock.
I ran my tongue over my teeth and remained quiet for a heartbeat. Anger fueled in my blood, and I inhaled slowly through my nose. I wanted to bark back, but I remained silent. I held my anger in and glanced at Ilsa. I wouldn’t say anything in front of her.
I barely touched my food, listening to my father ramble on about how Brandon was making the wrong changes. He was focusing too much on fixing things around the poor side of town rather than taking care of the people who were keeping the pack afloat, and I needed to start caring about my looks and capture Brandon’s attention more.
“It’s clear you’re not doing anything in the bedroom.”
My eyes widened, and my entire face went hot. My father chewed, his eyes narrowing on me. “You are sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
I pulled myself up and rounded the table, pulling Ilsa out of her chair. “That’s inappropriate to ask in front of my child.”
My father glanced at Ilsa before his eyes snapped back up to me. I didn’t look at him as I pulled Ilsa with me to the stairs. Rage was boiling through my entire body now.
I headed down the stairs, helping Ilsa pull on her shoes. I almost missed my father grabbing my arm as I opened the door. Ilsa was already running to the car. His voice dropped into a warning. “You already screw this up once, Jade. Do not disappoint again.”
I swallowed, feeling my throat grow dry.
“You are not some virgin girl. You have a child. Give him what he wants. If he wants a cooked meal, you cook it. If he wants you in bed, you give it.”
I ripped my arm free, feeling vomit form in the back of my throat. A good father would protect his child, but not mine. No, my father wanted me to spread my legs to seal a deal.
The drive home was quiet, and Ilsa fell asleep in the back. I carried Ilsa inside and found Brandon sitting on the couch flipping through papers. He looked up at me as we walked in. He offered me a tight smile. “She fell asleep?”
I nodded, turning toward the stairs. “Yeah, I’m going to take her up to bed.”
“How was dinner?” he asked.
I paused at the stairs. I was tempted to tell him that I hated going. My father always had something he wanted when we met. My skin always felt like it was crawling when I left, or I felt like I was a waste of space.
But I instead forced a smile. “It was fine.” I turned and took Ilsa up the stairs, deciding to put the dinner behind me. Or at least I would try.
The next morning, Ilsa and I went to the market to do some shopping. We had some money so she could buy herself some flowers, and she was giddy with excitement. She had a skip in her step as we walked. I smiled at her, but my mind went back to last night. I thought of my father’s words, filled with disgust, when he spoke about the women training.
Because in truth, I enjoyed it. As much as I complained and hated doing the training, it was also empowering. I enjoyed seeing what I could do and how, after a few days of training, my muscles had strengthened. I could see the changes in the mirror, and I was starting to feel like a different person.
“Mom, look at all the flowers,” Ilsa pulled at my hand, pointing and jumping as she pointed at the flower boutiquesthat were set out. There were roses and various colors of daisies. They had gerberas and carnations. They all looked lovely, and I watched Ilsa’s eyes sparkle as she looked at all of them.
“What do you want?” I asked Ilsa softly.
“Can I get some daisies? The yellow ones.”
“Of course.” I grabbed a small set of daisies and handed them to them. Ilsa stared at them, her smile growing as I paid for them.
She held them close to her chest, her face sinking into the flowers as she sniffed them. I smiled. “Do they smell nice?”
She nodded her head. “They did.”
We continued to walk around, looking for anything else we wanted. Since Brandon was helping pay for half of everything, I wasn’t stressing about money as much. I had the time and extra money to spend on things that I wanted, rather than worrying about how I was going to make ends meet. It was different.
I paused as we neared the park, feeling my hair on my skin rise. I watched Ilsa set her flowers down on the bench before pointing toward the slide. I nodded, letting her run toward the park.
