“Clear about what, exactly?” I asked carefully.
“That it was a mistake.” Her voice went flat. “That you regretted it.”
My stomach dropped.
“Stella, no. That’s not—” I yanked my beanie off my head and dragged my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how the hell we’d gotten this twisted around. “Is that what you’ve thought this whole time? That I regretted sleeping with you?”
“You left.” She turned to face me, and the hurt in her eyes nearly brought me to my knees. “You snuck out before I even woke up. What else was I supposed to think?”
Oh, shit.
I’d fucked up; just not how she thought.
“I left because I panicked,” I told her, the words scraping out of me. “That night was—Stella, it waseverything. And when I woke up next to you, I got scared. Scared you’d wake up and realize it was a mistake to sleep with your baby bro’s best friend.” I stepped closer, watching her face for a reaction. “So I left before you could tell me it couldn’t ever happen again. And then when you started avoiding me, I thought …” I let out a harsh breath. “I thought I was right. That youdidregret it and wanted nothing to do with me.”
Her lips parted, but no sound came out.
“And all this time, you thought I regretted it?” I shook my head, trying to wrap my mind around how badly I’d fucked this up.
I closed the distance between us and reached for her hand, half-expecting her to pull away. When she didn’t, I held onto it like a lifeline. “Stella, honey. I wish I’d stayed. Told you how badly I want you.”
She stared at me as if I were speaking another language, and then blinked, her defiant posture faltering. “You … you want me? Still?”
“Yeah, Stella. I do.”
She looked down at our joined hands, her thumb brushing against mine almost involuntarily. “I thought …” Her voice came out small in a way I’d never heard it before. “I thought once you sobered up, you realized what a mistake it was. That you were disgusted by it. By me.”
Her words were ice in my veins. Disgusted? Jesus Christ, how could she think?—
But of course she did.
I’d left without a word. Let her stew in her hurt while I nursed my own insecurities.
And I knew—God, I knew—what she’d lived through. I was only three years younger than her. I’d been there in those hallways at Mistletoe High, watching assholes like Brett Carver make comments about her body. “Thunder thighs,” he’d called her, loud enough for half the cafeteria to hear. I’d wanted to put my fist through his face. Colin had beaten me to it, earning himself a week’s suspension.
She’d held her head high that day, flipped Brett off with both hands, and walked away like his words couldn’t touch her.
But they had. I’d seen it in the way Stella’s shoulders had hunched just slightly, the way her jaw had gone tight beforeshe’d pushed through the doors with a hollered, “Go to hell, pencil dick.”
And now she thought—fuck, she thought her body had repulsed me? By the feel of her skin under my hands. By the way she’d moved against me, and the sounds she’d made?
Nothing could be further from the truth.
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear.” I tugged gently on her hand until she looked up at me. “That night was the single best moment of my entire life.” I shook my head, trying to find the right words. Words that would make her understand.
“Idreamabout it,” I continued, the confession scraping out of me. “Even now, I still wake up remembering how soft your skin was. Your curves under my hands. The sounds you made. How you said my name when you—” I broke off, my throat tight.
Stella’s eyes widened, disbelief written across her face.
“There is nothing—nothing—about you or what we did that disgusts me. You’re gorgeous, sweetheart. You always have been. And being with you? It meant everything to me.” I raised our joined hands, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “The only thing I regret is letting you spend even one day thinking otherwise.”
She was quiet for a long moment, her eyes searching mine like she was looking for the lie, the catch, the moment I’d take it all back. But then her shoulders dropped, her eyes went glassy, and she let out a shaky breath. Her body swayed forward, closing some of the distance between us like her body had decided to move before her brain caught up.
And when she spoke, her voice was stronger. More sure. More Stella. “I wanted it, too, Cade. Wanted you.” Color rose in her cheeks, and her eyes flicked briefly away as she confessed, “It was the single best sex of my entire life.”
My heart slammed against my ribs. “Jesus, Stella,” I breathed out, my forehead dropping to hers. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
“So what now?”
