“Yes.”
“But I realized that I was setting these boundaries without asking what you wanted. If you’re happy with a lunch break during the week and maybe a dinner once a week. Or if you want to see me more often than that? Or less?” I still had hold of his coat, just holding it lightly, gently, but not wanting to let go. “What do you want to do, Deacon?”
“More. I want to see you more, if that’s what you want. I know I’m different?—”
“You’re not different,” I said. “You’re perfectly you.”
“I don’t... I don’t know what... I-I don’t know what I can do... what I can do—” He cringed and said nothing more.
“You don’t know what you can do about what?” I asked, concerned at his sudden spike in anxiety.
He cheeks went dark red and his eyelids fluttered. “I can’t... touching or kissing. I can’t even hold your hand. I want to. I want to do that but I—” He shook his head. “If you want that, I can’t... then I’m not the one for you.”
“I don’t need that,” I said. I could see the storm in his eyes. “Deacon, look at me.” His eyes fluttered before he held my gaze. “I don’t need that. I don’t expect that from you. At all.”
“You don’t?”
“No.” Then I remembered what he’d said. “You said youwantto hold my hand but you’re not ready. So if it’s something you want to work up to, I’m okay with that. I’mhappy to wait until whenever you’re ready. We can work up to that if you want, or not at all. Okay? All I need from you is honesty. Nothing more. And I think once we’ve learned to trust each other, the rest will be easy.”
His eyes searched mine before he blinked a few times. We were standing close, I was still holding his jacket, and I don’t know if he was even aware, but I let it go.
“I am honest,” he said.
“I know you are. It’s why I like you. And the fact that you love to read, and you send me poems.”
His smile was shy, those cherry blossom colored cheeks making my heart squeeze.
“And you’re very handsome,” I added.
He laughed then and shook his head. “No, I’m not. But you are.”
We both stood there, smiling like a pair of Cheshire cats, and I felt so much better about everything.
“Between you and me,” I said, “I think we have overthinking and over-worrying down to a fine art.”
Deacon smiled. “I get in my head a lot.”
“That’s okay. I do that too. But if you have any questions, about anything, we can just ask each other, right?”
“Right.”
“And saying no to some things is perfectly okay. It doesn’t mean we don’t like each other.”
He nodded again.
I inhaled the crisp, cold air and let out a relieved sigh. “I’m glad we talked.”
“Me too.”
“And I will be honest with you too, just so you know.”
He nodded and ducked his head. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for bringing me lunch today.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Do I need to bring anything on Sunday for dinner?”
