“I’d rather you didn’t,” he murmured. “I would only worry. I’m in my room anyway. I had a shower and I’m in my pajamas, so I’d have to get changed again and I’d rather not do that either, so...”
I sighed. “I get it. I understand. As much as I want to see you too. I’m sorry you had a bad day.”
Ro relaxed when I said this, knowing he was okay. I smiled for her.
“Was it a bad day in general, or did something happen?”
He was quiet, and I could picture him frowning. I could imagine his anguish.
“It’s okay,” I offered. “You don’t need to tell me.”
I knew that too much pressure to do something he wasn’t comfortable doing wouldn’t end well, and I didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed. “I’ll tell you about my day if you like?”
More silence followed by a soft hum, which I took for a yes.
“Well, you see, it all started with this really cute boy I’m dating. He sends me poetry every morning and he does this amazing thing where he runs his finger over my hand. Sometimes he holds my sleeve. It’s the cutest thing ever.”
There was more silence for a beat, but then there was a soft sound that could have been a laugh. “Are you talking about me?”
“Why, yes. Yes, I am.”
“That’s absurd.”
“Every absurdity has a champion to defend it,” I quoted.
“Is that a quote? I’m not familiar.”
“Yes, it is. Oliver Goldsmith, Irish poet.”
He was one hundred percent smiling. I could tell.
“And I’ll have you know, that guy I’m dating? He is very cute. And very sweet.”
He sighed quietly and, after a long beat of silence, murmured. “One of my customer’s dogs passed away today. Mrs. Stevens. She’s an elderly lady, and she loved that dog so much. He was all she had. She lives alone, and she was so upset. I know it’s part of my job. We train for this. My dad has told me all my life that it’s part of his job, and itisa part of life. I deal with it all the time but today was... not good.”
Oh, my heart . . .
Ro seemed to understand that this was meant to be a private conversation. She gave my shoulder a pat as she walked out.
“Deacon, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. It’s not easy, and you’re allowed to feel sad. Poor Mrs. Stevens. She must have been so upset.”
He swallowed hard. “Yes. She was. I think that’s what is harder for me. To see her so upset. She’s been my client since I started. She trusted me with his care.”
“Oh, Deacon. I’m sure you did everything you could.”
“He was old. Sixteen, to be exact. And he’d had liver issues. It wasn’t unexpected. But she was so upset. I... I can’t deal with that. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say in these situations. When it’s a ranch and livestock go down, it’s not like this. It’s to be expected, and ranchers and farmers know it’s a part of farming. It’s not ideal, but they understand the cycle of life. But poor Mrs. Stevens. She has no one.” He sniffed. “And I can’t stop thinking of her by herself. In her empty house.”
I wished I could see him, sit beside him, comfort him somehow. Not that I could touch him or hug him. But something...
“She was Dad’s client before,” he continued quietly, “and she was one of the first to agree to see me. Some folks in town didn’t want me to be their vet. Not at first.I know my people skills aren’t... I know what people say. What they think of me.”
“Oh, Deacon.” I shook my head, not sure what else to say. “It’s only because they don’t know you. If they knew how sweet you are, how deeply you care. Remember when I first met you? When I brought in the stray momma cat? What you told me was the sweetest thing.”
“Because you like books.”
“Well, yes. But you didn’t know that then. You said what was in your heart and it really helped me.”
“I wish I could help Mrs. Stevens. I wish I knew what to say or what to do. I wanted to console her, put my hand on hers, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. Like how I want to hold your hand but I can’t do that either.”
