“Even if I intend to separate from you?”
His heart caught in his throat, for he hadn’t won her. He wasn’t worthy of her. “Yes, Louisa, dear. I shall wash my hands of the Herberts even if I never see you again. I am no longer bound to them by debts or the mistakes of my youth” Giles hung his head. “I understand if you wish to return to New York. I shan’t stop you—though I’ll be the last man standing on the docks, weeping as I wave you off, watching your ship grow smaller and smaller on the horizon.”
“You’ll still have my dowry and the £12,000 I paid to your creditors.”
He forced his eyes to meet hers. “That’s awfully generous. Thank you.”
Giles would save Granborough, and he would live like a monk for the rest of his days. He would become an exemplary landowner and a good friend to those who lived and worked on the estate. He would never know another woman.
Really, he was shocked at the depths of his devotion.
Louisa had released him from any obligation to her. He was free to spend her money without her. He had been given his life back—rather, the life he’d wanted in those desperate days before he’d known her—yet it wasn’t enough.
“What do you want, Louisa?” he asked. “What can I do to makeyouhappy? If it is to go away from you forever, then tell me. Your dignity and happiness mean more to me than my own, even though I want only to love you, to be your husband and partner, and to work by your side to make a difference in Granborough.”
She placed a hand on his sleeve. “I want to trust you, Giles. I want to love you and live with you without needing to look over my shoulder wondering what new scandal you’re running from. I don’t want to worry about what else you’re hiding from me.”
He flinched as though she’d struck him. “I tell you that youcantrust me!”
Her hand crept up to his shoulder, and then snaked around his neck. She pulled him closer to her as she enveloped him in a hug. “Loving somebody is a risk, as you well know. I have no idea what the future holds for us. But I guess the point of fidelity—of being faithful—means putting your trust in the person you love and hoping that they don’t betray you. On our wedding day at St. Thomas’ Church, I vowed to love and honor you, and to put my faith in you for better or for worse. Well…today has been the ‘worse’, and I still love you. Now, I want the ‘for better’. I demand the very best of you, Giles, from this moment on.”
“Yes,” he said, collapsing into her arms. “Oh, Louisa, my love, you shall have the very best.”
She had fought for him. She had chosen him.
Still, she wanted him.
Was there anything more precious than a woman’s love?
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Giles was astonished at this sudden weight lifting off his shoulders. He could breathe again. He could smile. In Louisa’s arms, he felt hope for his future rather than bitterness over the past and regret for what might’ve been.
He could live a full, honest life with Louisa—with hiswife.
His hands sought the hooks and laces of her iridescent green frock. He pulled the bodice down her arms, revealing lacy lingerie trimmed in eyelets, ribbons, and dainty bows. The sweeping skirts fell to the carpet in a whisper of silk. She stood before him wearing her corset, drawers, and stockings. The heavy, glimmering emerald parure shone from her chest, her ears, her wrists.
Giles ran his hands over the jewels, tracing the pads of his fingers over each polished gemstone. The Granborough emeralds were perhaps not as pretty as a rope of Georgian pearls or as rare as diamonds that had once belonged to a dauphine of France, but they were old and dear, and they were hers by right.
“I remember,” he said as he admired her, “the moment I saw you at Cousin Caro’s ball. You were vibrant, laughing, and happy. I knew you would never crave a man’s validation, for you were an independent spirit. Bold and unflinching. In a sea of debutantes,youstood out to me, and when we spoke, I believe I recognized—quite unwittingly—my soul’s mate. The only woman brave enough to travel halfway ‘round the world as my bride.
“For weeks, I have thought that you were mine,” he continued softly, “and you still are, and always will be. Yet I’ve discovered something else, something far more wondrous these past few days, Louisa.” He kissed her lips and confessed, “I am yours.”
She smiled at his admission. “I thought you were the most handsome man I’d ever seen, but so bored and sad. Somber and miserable, even. I was too naive to understand that you were hurting, Giles.” She stroked his chin and cradled his firm jaw in her palm. “I feel I know you so much better now. I want you so much more.”
Again, they kissed. She began to strip his dinner jacket from his shoulders. Questing fingers tangled in his hair and tugged at his clothing. They parted long enough for Giles to remove the corset, stockings, and drawers that separated her skin from his.
Louisa placed the parure into its box while he disrobed. Lord and Lady Granborough returned to each other, utterly undressed. Naked, physically and emotionally, for there was nothing left to hide or disguise. Nothing to keep from one another.
Giles reached for her. “Come here, dear. I cannot hold you and not kiss you.”
He enjoyed kissing her. He relished the sweetness of her mouth, the softness of her lips, the perfection of her teeth, and the delicious audacity of her tongue as it touched his. Kissing was so intimate, soclose.If Louisa were to open her eyes, she would witness every flaw, every shadow and line on his face, yet he no longer feared what his wife might find if she studied him too carefully. He welcomed her to look, taste, and take her fill.
Tonight, he took her to bed. Giles carefully pulled back the sheets and counterpane and laid Louisa down upon the soft, swaying mattress where they’d consummated their union only five days before. He’d had her every night save for one, when he had been intemperate and indiscreet, and she had been rightly angry. She’d put him in his place that night, though she hadn’t banished him from her arms.
She had shown him grace when he had not deserved it, and Giles would be forever grateful. In the shelter of her arms, he’d been allowed the space to become a better man—herman.
This was an act of love, a second virginity for both of them. A pivotal moment in their marriage, when husband and wife came together to celebrate their coupling. To give pleasure and to feel pleasure, unreserved.
