His Lordship was deeply embarrassed by his debts and had tried to hide the gravity of the situation from her. These private detectives had pursued him for days! More bailiffs and creditors had hunted him in London, she’d discovered, since the day he’d inherited the marquessate. His father had barely been cold in the ground before everything valuable had been sold off or pawned.
Louisa had never wanted for money. Her every desire lay within her reach, and whatever she couldn’t buy herself, Mamma and Pappa had provided. Lord Granborough had not been so fortunate. He hadn’t known such a safety net. He’d never found a soft place to land.
“There you are,” he said, reaching her side. “I’ve been looking for you across the dance floor. One minute you were in the center of a group singing “Buffalo Gals”, and the next, I couldn’t find you.” His shrewd blue eyes searched hers, as he confessed, “I was worried about you.”
“I’m fine, Giles, thank you. I needed some fresh air.”
He laughed at that. “Did you? Well, it’s bloody freezing.” He shrugged out of his dinner jacket and draped it across her shoulders. His warm hands rubbed her arms, conscious of her shivering. “We’ve suffered a great deal today, haven’t we? I wish you hadn’t been exposed to Herbert’s thugs, Louisa, but I’m grateful to you for standing up on my behalf. I’ve never had anyone do that for me—you cannot know how much it meant to me, that you have chosen me, for all my failings.”
She turned in his arms to press her cheek to his shirtfront. “That’s a change in your tune since our courtship. You were the most arrogant, prideful man. You would never admit to a fault. You would never make yourself grateful to anyone, though half of my society turned themselves inside out to welcome you.”
“It’s true,” he said. “I looked down my nose at you all. I imagined myself to be above you, but only because I’d been taught to feel so.” His lips brushed the top of her hair. “You’ve humbled me, dear. I daresay you’ve made me a better man.”
“Giles, this is our last night on the ship. Our honeymoon is drawing to an end, and our real life together starts tomorrow.” She pulled away to look into his face, to find some truthfulness in him. “These last few days have grown into something special. What if that all stops the moment we step off the ship?”
“It won’t. We shan’t let it! We’ll fight for one another, be devoted to one another.”
“There will be so much needing to be done. You said so yourself—the roof and the drains, and the entire east wing of your house requires repairing.” Misgivings poured from her lips, for she did not wish to do this alone. “English spouses don’t spend much time together. Your cousin Caroline warned me not to grow too fond of you, as I wouldn’t often see you outside of the social Season.”
Caroline Vanderheid had attempted to warn her, to keep her from getting her hopes up in regards to Louisa’s grim yet good-looking suitor. Had his cousin known that he was only marrying her to save Granborough? To keep the wolves from his door?
“All that,” he said, “and you still took me on?”
She shrugged. “You were worth the risk at the time.”
“And now?” His Lordship asked, dipping his head to claim her mouth. Two hands cradled her face, protecting her cheeks from the biting wind. “What do you think of me now?”
“I love you,” she told him, without fear or reservations. If she had ever thought Lord Granborough above her in pedigree or status, this journey had opened her eyes to the truth. “Not because you’re a nobleman or even aniceman, but because you are sober and dignified and devoted to your estate. You might’ve married some English girl with whom you have more in common, yet you were willing to put aside your personal needs to save Granborough. You want to make the place better for those who live and work on your estate. I see the selflessness in that, even if you call yourself a bounder.”
Her cold, numb fingers gripped hands until her knuckles throbbed. “I was raised to be loved, and sheltered, and even spoiled, but you weren’t,” she said. “I recognize now that you weren’t even brought up to expect it. Maybe you believe yourself unworthy of it. Well, I don’t! I only ask you not to run from me when I tell you that I love you.
“Don’t hide from me, Giles. Don’t push me away or lock me out when this honeymoon is over and the real world threatens to pull you back into whatever it is you’re accustomed to. Stand with me. Fight with me. Be with me! I don’t want to be packed off to the country like your cousin warned me you would. I don’t want to be alone in this marriage.”
“Oh, Louisa, I am ashamed that the thought ever crossed my mind. You’ll not be alone. I’ll not be one of those ‘obliging’ English husbands who turn a blind eye to your needs. You shall be petted and treasured, and pined for—even when I’m only so far as the east wing.”
She laughed softly.
“It’s true,” he said, growing solemn, “that I’ve never experiencedtruelove. Indeed, I’ve avoided attachment and affection. You’ll think me pathetic, but every woman that I have ever reached out to has pushed me away. My mother does not care for me beyond the need to use me for her own gain. My childhood playmate—my only friend—strung me along for years, perpetuating the lie of a relationship that would not ever come to fruition.”
Lord Granborough enveloped Louisa’s hands in his. “I daren’t say that I am reformed, but at least I’m aware that the life I’ve led until now has been shallow and false. Come, Louisa, dear, and let me show you the truth of our marriage. Let me expose, once and for all, the man whom you claim to be worthy of your love.”
CHAPTER FORTY
Panic clawed at his chest. For months, he had taken Louisa for granted. This Fifth Avenue princess he’d married would save Granborough whether she wanted to or not—as soon as their funds cleared, Giles intended to begin his plans for restoring the house—yet he’d fallen in love with her during this sailing. He had grown to care for her thoughts and opinions, her wants and needs as a woman. She was a fully formed person with dreams, fears, and a will of her own.
Giles felt terrified that he could lose her.
He had never loved, trusted, or made himself vulnerable to anyone. Opening oneself emotionally and physically to another person exposed one to ridicule, humiliation, and exploitation. What would Louisa think of him when he’d been pulled from the pedestal of his pride and his privilege? When he’d been stripped raw, laid bare, and made real?
He was a weak man, a lonely little boy. A lost and wandering sojourner on the greatest journey of his life. He was afraid to walk this path alone, for where did it end withouther?
Giles brought Louisa to their cabin.
Loving her and becoming the man worthy of her required complete honesty. He could not in good conscience—for that damned noble part of him insisted on coming to life during this trip—keep Venia’s presence hidden. Louisa deserved to know the full extent of Giles’ manipulation and to hear from his lips a promise that he would never stray. The sanctity of marriage was precious to him. Louisa was precious to him, as was the life they planned to build together.
From this day onward, he would do nothing to jeopardize any of it.
He was turning his back on his past and choosing a future with her. He only hoped Louisa would trust him when he had never done anything deserving of her favor.
