I’ve been a married woman for four nights and have only shared my bed with my husband one of them. I suppose his urge to smash my teeth in hasn’t passed yet. I hate not knowing if he cheated or not but I want to believe he didn’t. I hate the guilt I feel for threatening him, too.
Sofia came to me in the early morning hours after the Seconda (and after Alessio had stormed out) with ice cream and secrets she won’t completely divulge.“I did something wrong tonight, Caterina. But Carlo wronged me first.”Fully on her side, I promised to hate Carlo Vicini all my days for hurting her. I even wished for his plane to crash on its way back to New York. No such luck, of course.
The night that followed found Gia knocking on my bedroom door with an angry Armando glaring daggers at the ceiling. I hadn’t seen her the entire day and I’d welcomed her in but been disheartened to see the fresh bruises on her arms. No wonder Armando had been angry.
“Why?”I’d asked once we were alone, hurting for my new sister.
“Because he couldn’t get it up with any of the whores at the party and then couldn’t get it up with me. He always blames me. It’s been this way for the majority of our marriage. I’d be grateful except…”
Except he beats her for something that isn’t her fault. It’s no surprise Made Men are even more prideful about being what they consider fully a man than regular guys, but it’s terribly unfair for us women to pay the price if they can’t perform.
Gia swore me to silence, saying Ritchie would kill her if he found out she’d told a single soul, but the discussion had made me recall things about my own husband. Being on top of Alessio and feeling his hardness under me had thrilled me. I can’t forget how much it excited me when he was the one on top either. Desire makes a fool of me, but I can’t seem to help it.
Gia also told me Alessio wants her to remain in Vegas a few more weeks to help me adjust to her new home. I was touched by the consideration but quickly scolded myself for being so self-centered. No doubt Alessio means to protect his sister if only for a little while. Regardless, Ritchie flew back to Chicago with my father yesterday. It was very wrong of me to wish that flight might crash as well but I did. Again, that wasn’t to be.
Last night, it was Frankie who came to my room. She slept beside me all night after confessing she dreads returning to Reno with her awful cousin -“The way he stares at me, Cat. It makes me feel sick.”- but she clings to the day she’s to fly to New York for her audition at Juilliard. She says if the timing coincides with the wedding she’ll beg Alessio to let me come watch her.
“Do you really believe there will still be a wedding?”I’d whispered in the darkness, knowing Sofia’s feelings on the matter.
“Of course, there will be. It was never meant to be a love match. Sofia was foolish to hope for that with a man like Carlo. I’ve known him too long to… A pact was made between Las Vegas and New York for the good of the Trio and for business. Since when do our daydreams matter to them?”
She’s right, I know. It’s just hard being reminded of it so frequently.
I am grateful for the girls but, when it comes time to say goodbye to my mother and brothers at last, I hold onto them with all my might despite knowing that they still have a funeral to arrange once they return home. It’s hard to believe a week ago I was still a teenage girl living at home and Margareta was alive awaiting the birth of her children. How quickly and cruelly life can change.
The tension is palpable with Alessio, his father and my brothers being in the same room for the first time when Don Vicini and my father are no longer present. I have no doubt a bloodbath would ensue if not for the fact both sides have women and children present that honor compels them to protect.
Mother whispers in my ear, repeating what she’d said about a Capo needing a refuge. “If he will treat you right, be that refuge, Caterina, and perhaps in time…” I nod and hug her once more before she steps away, claiming my newborn niece from Nico’s arms while the temporary nurse they’ve hired holds my nephew.
After giving each baby a kiss on top of their little heads, I turn to Nico. If I did not know him, I would think he’s made of stone in his crisp black suit giving me an indifferent, one-armed hug. But I know him very well. Underneath all his sins beats the heart of the big brother that I love, and the complete desolation lurking behind his stoic, iceman demeanor cuts me to the bone. “If there’s anything I can do to help with the babies or the arrangements for Margareta…”
He silences me with a curt shake of his head. “Your life is here now. I’ll handle the arrangements, and I’ll hire a nanny for the children.”
Nico says a nanny but my mother has said our father is already pressing him to find a new wife for that burden so he can focus on business. I shouldn’t be surprised by Father’s callousness, but Margareta hasn’t even been buried yet.
My eyes start to well up thinking of this violent and unpredictable world I’m stuck in until I feel the soft touch of Nico’s hand brushing over my cheek. “If he hurts you, say the word and I will kill him if it’s the last thing I ever do,” he growls quietly in my ear before he turns away, all signs of affection erased from his features. I know he means those words, but he’s a future Capo, and he’s a father now with little babies who will need him. I can’t run to my big brothers with my problems all my life.
I spy my husband observing us shrewdly from his place across the room. He probably thinks I’m plotting another attempt to end him when it’s not what I want. I’m afraid to voice the things I might want. As Frankie said, since when do our daydreams matter?
“Nico’s the eldest, but that doesn’t mean he gets to have all the fun,” Dante tells me, wrapping me up in a bear hug next. I sink into his embrace, grateful that he doesn’t attempt to mask his love for me today. “If you wish to become a widow, Mrs. De Luca, you can call me and…”
“Stop it,” I whisper, fearing that Alessio might overhear him. “I don’t want any fighting. I want peace, Dante, and that means making my marriage work… somehow. I’ll never see either of you if there’s no peace so, please, for once in your life,behave.”
“Behaving is very overrated from what I hear,” he replies.
“As if you’d know anything about it.”
“Too true.” He gives me that dangerously wicked grin of his before saying he must say his goodbyes to the De Luca ladies. With concern, I note it’s Sofia he heads toward first, capturing her hand for a kiss that makes her whole face turn beet red. Alessio and his father will not like that, and they already hate my brothers.
Fighting back tears, I watch the car pull away at last. Everyone else has already turned away, giving me space. Despite the love I feel for Gia, Sofia and Frankie and these unbidden emotions Alessio seems to stir inside of me, I have never felt so alone.
Bibi informed me earlier there will be a family dinner this evening, but I have a couple of hours until then, so I trudge off to my bedroom for some solitude.And, to have a good cry.
When I reach it, I’m surprised to find Mr. Whiskers sitting on top of my pillow. I would swear I’d stuck him in a drawer last night when Frankie spent the night. There are also a fresh box of tissues and a pint of ice cream that’s just begun to melt on the bedside table. It's myfavoriteflavor of ice cream, in fact. Who…
The door to the bathroom opens and I gasp, seeing my husband walk out of it. We’ve not been alone in the same room together since the night of the Seconda. He gives me no more than a raking glance before he walks out again. I can hear him talking to Armando in the hallway and then there’s silence. Why was he in here? He must’ve moved Mr. Whiskers and brought the ice cream but why?
The light is still on in the bathroom. Peering around the door, I gasp again when I see the large soaking tub is full of steaming hot water. There are white fluffy towels sitting on the edge and the air is heavy with the scent of my perfume.
