He paced back and forth for a few minutes, trying to decide whether to burst inside or stay back like his mother requested.
Finally, he rested his arms on the truck bed and tried to peer inside. Muffled light appeared through old beige shades.I can’t see a thing.The night was quiet, so he closed his eyes trying to listen for any hint of heated conversation. It was silent except for the hum of soft music. When he couldn’t stand it any longer, he started walking toward the lodge entrance. At that moment, his mom pushed open the door and sauntered to the truck.
“Mom, what happened? Are you okay?”
As she climbed in, she said, “He wasn’t there.”
“He wasn’t there?”
“Yeah, they said a guy named Bud does work there but he’s gone for the night. He’ll be back in the morning.” Norah reversed out of the parking lot and began driving home. She was trying to appear calm, but there was a shakiness in her voice.
The truck grumbled over the pavement. Chase tried to process all that he’d just learned. Finally he asked, “What were you gonna say to him?”
Norah swallowed. “I was gonna tell him that his sons are amazing… and that he’s missed out on seeing them grow into good men.” Norah smiled with her eyes over at him. A rim of tears glistened in the moonlight. She looked back at the road and stared into the distance. After a moment, she added, “And then, I would have told him—I forgive you.”
“Mama…”
“I do Chase. I forgive him. I spent a lotta years bitter, but that only hurt me… and it hurt our family. A few years ago, I felt the Lord tellin me it was time. I didn’t feel like I could do it, but I prayed that He’d help me. I didn’t want to be sad and miserable anymore. So, I walked out on the porch and imagined your daddy standing there, and I said, ‘Bud Smith, I forgive you.’
“I didn’t feel better that instant, but in the days and weeks that followed—whenever I would think about your father and feel sad or mad… I’d pray for him. Just short prayers. Nothing fancy. I asked God to help him. I asked God to bless him.”
“Mama, how? How could you do that after he left us, after he left you… for someone else?”
“Miracles aren’t always visible. Sometimes, we’re the only ones that know they happened. And God healing my heart, well that’s one of the greatest miracles I’ve ever known.”
Chase looked down at his hands. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him.”
Norah smiled over at him. “You will, son. It’ll take time. This is just the beginning. I’ve had years to wrestle with this. But, I’ve been praying for you and your brother for years too. I knew someday, the truth would come out. I’ve asked God to help you boys forgive your father… and me.”
“Ma, there’s nothing that I need to forgive you for. Daddy left. You were trying to protect us. He’s the one who abandoned us. Who left us like we were nothing.”
“I’m not gonna make excuses for him. What he did was wrong… but life is messy and complicated. None of us live it perfectly. I know I regret more than a few things… one of them being not supporting you in your music more.”
Chase glanced over at her.
Norah continued, “I let my own fears get in the way. You always talked about moving away or touring the country. I worried that if you went too far, you might not come back… like your dad. I know I hurt you by not encouragin you, and for that I’m so sorry... But Chase Allen Smith, hear me on this—you are not your father. You are talented and brave, and I’m so proud of you for not giving up on your dreams.”
When they were parked in the driveway, Chase held back tears as his mom reached out her hand. He let it rest in his palm and then covered it with his other hand. He focused on keeping his breathing steady and slow. Tears were threatening to break free of the cage he had kept them in since his dad died… left.
“I’m gonna tell your brother. He needs to know.”
Chase nodded. “I’ll be there in a minute.” Norah leaned over and kissed his forehead, then she hopped out of the truck and shut the door.
Leaning forward, he buried his face in his hands.Lord, I don’t even know what to say… or feel… or think… but if I’m ever gonna forgive my dad, I’m gonna need a miracle too.
Chapter 34
Maggie
MaggiewatchedChaseandhis mom disappear in a white pickup truck. She was stunned, trying to absorb what in the world just transpired.
“Everyone okay out there?” Cam called.
Maggie exhaled and walked inside. “I don't know...”
“What happened?”
Maggie explained about the cowboy man at Valley View Lodge and how he looked so much like the photo of their dad. “I didn’t mean anything by it. The similarities just surprised me. I shouldn’t have said anything. It just slipped out.”
