I hadn’t realized how far gone I’d been until the need to have her underneath me, in my bed, hadn’t just been an aroused lustful thought but a longing to have a deeper connection with her, to experience something with her in a way that I’d never done with anyone before.
So I had done what any normal freaked-out guy would do. I’d run.
While getting us some water I’d been able to talk myself down, to refocus and remind myself why I kept people at a distance, especially why I had promised myself I’d never get into a relationship. Thinking about my dad sitting in his recliner, a blank expression on his face as he stared off at nothing, only a fraction of the person he used to be, had been a stark reminder of why I’d chosen to live my life this way.
I refused to get my heart broken, refused to give someone access to ruin everything I had going for me. If I was going to be a successful NFL linebacker, there was no way I would let anyone put that at risk. Not even myself.
The conversation I’d had with Wilder at the Wolf’s Den came floating back to me. At first, I hadn’t taken him voicing his concern very well, but as he’d continued to remind me that as much as I thought I was being careful and that Isla and I both knew the rules, it would be foolish and reckless for me to not tread lightly in this situation. He didn’t want to see Isla get hurt, and he was worried I wasn’t capable of not hurting her, no matter how much I assured him she wanted to remain friends too.
But at this rate, I was definitely going to hurt her. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. She’d become one of my closest friends, and I cared about her a lot. I’d hate myself if I hurt her, if I lost her friendship.
My alarm sounded, telling me it was time to get up and head to football practice. Swinging my legs over the edge of my bed, I sat up, rubbing my hands over my face. Thankfully while I was on the field, football took over my thoughts, giving me a reprieve from the torturous loop of Isla. Isla. Isla.
Tonight I’d be spending the evening with her, pretending to be a couple at Olivia’s game night, and I’d need to walk the fine line of the doting boyfriend but also the forever friend.
I wasn’t sure what kind of game night Olivia was throwing since she changed it up every time. She’d implemented the game night last year, saying she wanted to do something different from going to parties and the Wolf’s Den all the time. A group of us now were used to this new ritual and actually looked forward to it whenever she put one on.
This would be another first for me, going to game night with a girlfriend. Usually a few random girls would show up, and I’d end up hanging out with one or two for the evening.
An unfamiliar sensation, like a twinge in my stomach, surprised me at the thought of going to game night with Isla. I couldn’t possibly be nervous. That was just stupid. I didn’t get nervous.
Standing up, I grabbed some clothes to put on and headed to the bathroom. I had a feeling this would be another long day.
* * *
As I poured chips into a bowl, I kept glancing up at the door every time there was a knock. Isla wasn’t here yet, and it was almost time to start. She’d said she was coming, so I didn’t know why I was worried she wouldn’t show up.
We’d both been more reserved when acting like a couple at school and hadn’t been back to the Wolf’s Den or gone to any parties recently, which was different. At least for me. Thankfully, the rest of our group had been okay with hanging out as a group of six. I was pretty sure they had put two and two together and realized Isla and I needed a break from the public scene.
Tonight, we would be back to pretending we were a happy, infatuated couple. As much as I was determined to keep things flirty on the outside and platonic on the inside, I knew I couldn’t drop my guard, not even for a second.
“You want me to do anything else?” I asked Olivia. Wilder and I had been helping her get the snacks and drinks set up.
She put her hands on her hips and looked over the island, which was full of food. “No, I think we’re all set. Thanks, Slate.”
“No problem.”
She glanced down at her watch then back at me. “Isla’s coming, right?”
Taking a breath, I said, “Yeah, I think so.” I hoped so.
“So,” she began, pausing to suck in her lips and giving me a nervous look. “I may have not thought things all the way through when I planned tonight’s game night.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, not sure where she was going with this.
“I thought it would be fun, but then Wilder pointed out it might be awkward, and I just want you to know that if it is, I’m so sorry,” she said in a rush.
Now she had me curious. I rarely felt awkward.
“I’m sure whatever you have planned will be great,” I assured her. “Can you really see me feeling awkward about anything?”
“Yeah, that’s true,” she chuckled. “Wilder was probably talking about Isla more than you.”
A knock sounded on the door again, and I didn’t get to follow up and ask what she’d meant by that, because Isla walked in. My feet started moving toward her before I’d fully registered she was here. She looked beautiful in a pair of jeans and a light blue wide-neck sweater, her hair down, one side tucked behind her ear.
She smiled when she saw me, meeting me and throwing her arms around me as she kissed me on the cheek. “Hey.”
She’d already put on her acting hat, and I hurried to follow suit.
