Despite my delirious declaration of love, Eloise sits there frozen. With every passing moment, her icy mask falls back into place, cutting her off from me. Shutting me out.
“I’m glad you finally cleaned your place, but I think it’s silly to givemecredit foryouaccomplishing your essential chores.”
I take a step toward her, and she matches it back, the moment gone. I nearly scream in frustration. I know she’s not prepared for this, that I’m probably coming on too hot, too quickly. But I just can’t stop anymore. I have to break through that fucking mask.
“What about the singing?” I demand. “You don’t have anything to say about that? You don’t feel happy? You don’t feelanything?”
“Why would I feel something other than confusion for this strange declaration?” She tilts her head, her doe eyes going impossibly wider. “Riot… you’ve been going through a lot and feeling a lot of feelings, and I think… maybe you’re projecting some of them onto me.”
“What—” I shake my head, confused by this reaction.I thought… I thought we were on the same page. After the night we spent together last month, I was sure that she felt it too…“Eloise, I don’t think you understand. I’m trying to tell you that… that you’vesavedme.” I reach out, wrapping my hand lightly around her delicate wrist as I look deep into her sky-blue eyes, begging her to see the sincerity in mine and accept me. “Iloveyou?—”
I stop, my eyes wide and my heart frozen.I did not just say that.
“You don’t even know me!” Her face pinches in distress as she rips away from my grip. “You don’t… You have no idea what you’re saying!” She steps back, stumbling in her haste to put distance between us. “You don’t even know my last name…”
I shake my head, determined to salvage this. “I know more about you than you think. I know your last name is Marquette. I know you play piano, and you do it beautifully. I know your eyes are sad, and I want to take away your pain. I know since the first day we spoke, there was no one for me but you. I want to know every little thing about you,” I whisper, reaching for her. “Anything I find out will only make my feelings for you grow, Eloise.My little muse…”
I move to embrace her, but she shakes her head wildly, the emotion in her eyes causing me to freeze. “Don’t! Please… please just stay there… I need to breathe for a second…”
“Eloise…” I beg, the sickening pit in my stomach telling me I’m losing her. “Eloise?—”
“Don’t do that,” she whispers, hanging her head. “Don’t say my name like that. Like you really do love m—” She takes a deep breath, sucking all her emotion back inside, and when she looks at me again, her gaze is cold. “We can’t do this, Riot.Ican’t do this. You and me… It can’t happen. You don’t even… If you knew the truth about me, you wouldn't be saying these things. If you knew, you’d run so far I’d never find you again.”
“That’s not true.” I shake my head, desperate to reach her. “That’s not true at all, Eloise.”
Tears well in her eyes, but she doesn’t let them fall. “I’m sorry, Riot. This was a mistake,” she says, that horrid emotionless mask taking over her lovely features as she starts collecting her things. “I really should be going. It’s getting late…”
“Eloise—”
“Please don't ask me to stay,” she whispers, refusing to meet my gaze no matter how hard I try. “If you do, I might just—” She shakes her head, her eyes going dead. “It won't do any good.”
I’m losing her. I’ve lost her. She’s spooked, and I’ll never be able to draw her in ever again.
God, what have I done?
“Please talk to me, Eloise,” I whisper, realizing with a jolt that my hand is still resting on her arm. “Just… pretend I never said it if it helps you. Do anything you need to. Justtalkto me, please.” My eyes meet hers with desperation. “You can trust me.”
Evidently, this is the wrong thing to say. Her eyes flare, and she reels back as if I just struck her. “I need to go.”
“Eloise!” I call, reaching out to her.
But it's no good. She's already gone. The only thing left of her is a small pink notebook she left behind in her haste to get away from me. It’s the same color as her hair.
I fall back into my chair, lowering my head into my hands.
What the fuck did I just do?
17
Eloise
My thighs screamfrom how hard I’m pedaling, but it doesn’t compare to the pain building behind my eyes, screaming for me to let my tears fall. Even though I want them to, even though I beg, they won’t. There’s no release, no relief, and I’m forced to suck the emotion back down, adding more kindling to the wildfire raging inside me.
Riot said he loved me…
This is exactly why I had been attempting to put space between us this past month. When I woke up the morning after the wonderful day we shared, and my world returned to gray, I realized my mistake. I had opened my heart, let Riot in, and started to hope again. To look forward to the future. It hurt, but I had to try to put some distance between him and my heart. For the past month, I’ve been lying, convinced if I tried hard enough, things would go back to the way they were before that night.
How wrong I was.
